So Adam mentioned something about how girls he met were playing "Marco Polo alone in the Atlantic". I thought that was a pretty awesome line because ironically I've just been playing "Marcos" Polo alone in the Atlantic. Can't wait until July. I hope this actually happens.
I don't care if it's a couple months or a couple years. I want to live happily ever after. What does "happily ever after" feel like anyway? There has to be purpose for living. I believe life is just full of irony. Life is ironic. Period. So many hidden messages found in everything. Whether it's in a bottle floating off to bumfuck-egypt, or just metaphorically playing hide and seek to mess with you. The feeling of relief when a strong prediction is made is one of the most interesting feelings ever. You just can't tell nor can it be described. It's so intriguing the way irony seems to tie everything together so perfectly.
Everything happens for a reason. Is that so? I believe it. May I mention about these hidden messages once again? How is it that I predicted something so serious early last year, and it happened in December? I tried so hard not to believe it. "No, that's terrible. Don't predict something like that!" Sure enough, it happened. How strange yet tragic. I've learned to trust gut feelings and not ignore them whether negative or positive.
So I don't think I want to go on anymore, because I don't want peope to think I'm completely psychotic. Plus, I'm running on sleep deprevation since yesterday. Though I realize I'm much more creative when deprived of sleep as well as any other deprivation of something. Ceibacy from something is just a positive term of deprivation to me. Think about it.
♥♪♫♥
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
Sunday, 25 April 2010
The Controversial Current: Article #1 - Stimulants.
I was just watching 60 Minutes, and the previous story was about perscription drugs meant for ADD/ADHD patients such as Adderal (Amphetamine/Stimulant) or Ritalin/Concerta (Methylphenidate/CNS Stimulant). I've been meaning to write about these for a while, and they are fun to debate about.
They do help calm down the people who really are diagnosed with ADHD. Even so, a shot or two of espresso is still equivalent and it is all natural and is much more beneficial than a dose of harsh chemicals.
Sure, they help you become more alert due to dopamine enhancement, however, your dopamine receptors over time will go on overload thus causing mild cases of schitzophrenia. Pretty euphoric and spectacular experience, right? Not really. It sucked. I'll tell you from experience. Just don't do it.
I don't understand the concept of taking them to cram for a test, to force interest in something, or to stay up all night in general. First off, you forget everything you had reasearched once you come down; Secondly, you can't just force interest in something by harming both yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally due to anxiety caused by these stimuli; As for the sleep, don't be retarded. You need it to be able to concentrate. Common sense would tell you that. If anything, take some natural melatonin or drink some earl grey tea to promote a better night's sleep in which your brain is craving.
Why do people give their children these? Parents are getting lazier and lazier and it's uncalled for. It's called proper discipline. Why do you think 12 year olds are whoring themselves out these days? Parents are too damn lazy to teach them morals and think "well, they have ADD/ADHD", then give them a pill and think,"okay, problem solved. They'll behave now".
I believe most of these "disorders" are made up by the government so they can make money off their shitty perscriptions because they don't want marijuana or other street drugs to be legal. To be quite frank, the ADD/ADHD stimulant drugs are equivalent to shitty low grade coke. Sure, go ahead and give your kid cocaine! That's REAL smart. GREAT parenting!
My experience with Concerta:
I went to the Charlotte County Behavioral Center to speak with the therapist there to help me with the same old average stress of high school. She had sent me to a doctor next door to her office for full diagnosis. They first perscribed me Sertaline (Zoloft), an anti-depressant in which boosts your serotonin level thus making you happy. However, when you first start taking them you feel like a zombie due to your brain adjusting to such a boost of a certain chemical. It can take several weeks to adjust to them, therefore causing dependency.
I couldn't handle them for even a day. I went back in for another diagnosis because I knew I wasn't "depressed". I told them that. I clearly stated I was "anxious". My anxiety was causing me to lose concentration which is completely normal. They still felt the need to perscribe me something because it was a psychiatry office and not a psychology. So they gave me a script for Concerta. To start off with, take a 18mg dosage.
Though what the retards didn't realize was stimulants and anxiety don't mix well. Not only that, they wanted me to stay on the Zoloft which interacts differently with Concerta which isn't a very good mixture. Seratonin + Dopamine + Negative (Other Chemicals) = Horrible Reaction. So I was smart enough not to take the Zoloft.
I took one the next day and felt as if I could rule the world. It's basically low grade cocaine in pill form. You feel great when you first do it, and you slowly go downhill. Anyway, I felt so productive. My house was spotless, I read a lot, and I was up until the next day doing all sorts of productive things from making clothes to reorganizing my whole closet, you name it.
I loved being on this because I didn't have to down shots of espresso. Just pop a pill and poof you've had a whole gallon of coffee. I couldn't wait to get my next script. Even my friends at the time were taking them with me and we would go on all sorts of adventures.
My next visit to the office was interesting. I didn't even want to mention my problems. I just wanted to have an intellectual conversation with the therapist about psychology because it's of interest and my parents can't comprehend anything I say ever. They decided to give me the next script which was a triple dosage in one pill (54mg).
Those were even better. Soon I was reading books about intellect, philosphy, and of course still reading psychology but twice as much as usual. I remember I had taken the 54mg one morning and then an 18mg later that day. It was the day I had gone to the "Take Action Tour '09" to interview both Breathe Carolina and Every Avenue's latest basist. I was so dehydrated that a bottle of water felt like a sip, and I had a lot of trouble breathing. It was so embarassing because I ended up losing my voice during the interviews. Way to screw up the launch of your new media site, Allie Failboat. What was even stupider is I ended up getting a mocha latte at a cafe down the street. Super stimuli! That's what stimulants do. You just can't get enough.
My group of friends at the time attended with me. We ended up staying the night at a friend of a friend's house. Ironically, he was in college studying psychology. So I stayed up all night reading about 300 pages of his Carl Rogers book. They all woke up the next morning with a look on their faces stating "Why the hell is she still up reading that?". (By the way, once I came down later on, I forgot everything I had read.)
I had no apetite. They had offered me muffins, but looking at them made me want to throw up. I hadn't eaten anything the day before that either. I ended up throwing up pure stomach acid when I got home that day. I ended up not being able to sleep that night either. I threw up the next morning right before I had gone back to school as well. I ended up not eating that day either. That night, I ended up seeing things flying around the room and coming at me as well as things crawling on me. I was flipping out. I remember calling my friend at about 2AM but of course he just wanted sleep.
Those symptoms were the first signs of schitzophrenia caused by dopamine overload. Once you come off of the pills, it may take a couple years for the receptors to even out again. My anxiety hasn't been the same since. I can't even drink coffee without feeling as if I'm going to jump out of my skin. Worst feeling ever. You know that feeling you get when you're super worried and nervous? Well that's just a mild feeling when you have an anxiety attack. I've been feeling that all the time ever since they perscribed this to me. The feeling is on and off and there is no controlling it. If you just ignore it, and flow with it, it will go away. It's just like an ocean current, don't fight it or you'll drown. Well in this case, don't fight it or it will lead to a severe panic attack in which leads to vertigo which is the worst thing ever. I honestly would rather experience my worst Arthritis flare up than that. I literally felt as if I was about to drop dead.
I've still been getting symptoms lately. If something slightely startles me, I start shaking a bit. not as bad as they used to be. If I were to be slightly startled, I would start freaking out and crying. It was horrible.
So this is why you don't do stimulants. ...or any perscription drug at that. Natural medicine is the way to go!
♥♪♫♥
They do help calm down the people who really are diagnosed with ADHD. Even so, a shot or two of espresso is still equivalent and it is all natural and is much more beneficial than a dose of harsh chemicals.
Sure, they help you become more alert due to dopamine enhancement, however, your dopamine receptors over time will go on overload thus causing mild cases of schitzophrenia. Pretty euphoric and spectacular experience, right? Not really. It sucked. I'll tell you from experience. Just don't do it.
I don't understand the concept of taking them to cram for a test, to force interest in something, or to stay up all night in general. First off, you forget everything you had reasearched once you come down; Secondly, you can't just force interest in something by harming both yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally due to anxiety caused by these stimuli; As for the sleep, don't be retarded. You need it to be able to concentrate. Common sense would tell you that. If anything, take some natural melatonin or drink some earl grey tea to promote a better night's sleep in which your brain is craving.
Why do people give their children these? Parents are getting lazier and lazier and it's uncalled for. It's called proper discipline. Why do you think 12 year olds are whoring themselves out these days? Parents are too damn lazy to teach them morals and think "well, they have ADD/ADHD", then give them a pill and think,"okay, problem solved. They'll behave now".
I believe most of these "disorders" are made up by the government so they can make money off their shitty perscriptions because they don't want marijuana or other street drugs to be legal. To be quite frank, the ADD/ADHD stimulant drugs are equivalent to shitty low grade coke. Sure, go ahead and give your kid cocaine! That's REAL smart. GREAT parenting!
My experience with Concerta:
I went to the Charlotte County Behavioral Center to speak with the therapist there to help me with the same old average stress of high school. She had sent me to a doctor next door to her office for full diagnosis. They first perscribed me Sertaline (Zoloft), an anti-depressant in which boosts your serotonin level thus making you happy. However, when you first start taking them you feel like a zombie due to your brain adjusting to such a boost of a certain chemical. It can take several weeks to adjust to them, therefore causing dependency.
I couldn't handle them for even a day. I went back in for another diagnosis because I knew I wasn't "depressed". I told them that. I clearly stated I was "anxious". My anxiety was causing me to lose concentration which is completely normal. They still felt the need to perscribe me something because it was a psychiatry office and not a psychology. So they gave me a script for Concerta. To start off with, take a 18mg dosage.
Though what the retards didn't realize was stimulants and anxiety don't mix well. Not only that, they wanted me to stay on the Zoloft which interacts differently with Concerta which isn't a very good mixture. Seratonin + Dopamine + Negative (Other Chemicals) = Horrible Reaction. So I was smart enough not to take the Zoloft.
I took one the next day and felt as if I could rule the world. It's basically low grade cocaine in pill form. You feel great when you first do it, and you slowly go downhill. Anyway, I felt so productive. My house was spotless, I read a lot, and I was up until the next day doing all sorts of productive things from making clothes to reorganizing my whole closet, you name it.
I loved being on this because I didn't have to down shots of espresso. Just pop a pill and poof you've had a whole gallon of coffee. I couldn't wait to get my next script. Even my friends at the time were taking them with me and we would go on all sorts of adventures.
My next visit to the office was interesting. I didn't even want to mention my problems. I just wanted to have an intellectual conversation with the therapist about psychology because it's of interest and my parents can't comprehend anything I say ever. They decided to give me the next script which was a triple dosage in one pill (54mg).
Those were even better. Soon I was reading books about intellect, philosphy, and of course still reading psychology but twice as much as usual. I remember I had taken the 54mg one morning and then an 18mg later that day. It was the day I had gone to the "Take Action Tour '09" to interview both Breathe Carolina and Every Avenue's latest basist. I was so dehydrated that a bottle of water felt like a sip, and I had a lot of trouble breathing. It was so embarassing because I ended up losing my voice during the interviews. Way to screw up the launch of your new media site, Allie Failboat. What was even stupider is I ended up getting a mocha latte at a cafe down the street. Super stimuli! That's what stimulants do. You just can't get enough.
My group of friends at the time attended with me. We ended up staying the night at a friend of a friend's house. Ironically, he was in college studying psychology. So I stayed up all night reading about 300 pages of his Carl Rogers book. They all woke up the next morning with a look on their faces stating "Why the hell is she still up reading that?". (By the way, once I came down later on, I forgot everything I had read.)
I had no apetite. They had offered me muffins, but looking at them made me want to throw up. I hadn't eaten anything the day before that either. I ended up throwing up pure stomach acid when I got home that day. I ended up not being able to sleep that night either. I threw up the next morning right before I had gone back to school as well. I ended up not eating that day either. That night, I ended up seeing things flying around the room and coming at me as well as things crawling on me. I was flipping out. I remember calling my friend at about 2AM but of course he just wanted sleep.
Those symptoms were the first signs of schitzophrenia caused by dopamine overload. Once you come off of the pills, it may take a couple years for the receptors to even out again. My anxiety hasn't been the same since. I can't even drink coffee without feeling as if I'm going to jump out of my skin. Worst feeling ever. You know that feeling you get when you're super worried and nervous? Well that's just a mild feeling when you have an anxiety attack. I've been feeling that all the time ever since they perscribed this to me. The feeling is on and off and there is no controlling it. If you just ignore it, and flow with it, it will go away. It's just like an ocean current, don't fight it or you'll drown. Well in this case, don't fight it or it will lead to a severe panic attack in which leads to vertigo which is the worst thing ever. I honestly would rather experience my worst Arthritis flare up than that. I literally felt as if I was about to drop dead.
I've still been getting symptoms lately. If something slightely startles me, I start shaking a bit. not as bad as they used to be. If I were to be slightly startled, I would start freaking out and crying. It was horrible.
So this is why you don't do stimulants. ...or any perscription drug at that. Natural medicine is the way to go!
♥♪♫♥
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Booty.
Tuli be feelin up his wood at the thought of Franny! ♥
Tell me they wouldn't be perfect? Yeah, you know so.
♥♪♫♥
In Hopes to Sail to Brazil.
So I have this really awesome friend in Jersey named Francisco "Franny" Muñoz, right? Well I'm hooking him up with my really hawt friend Tulio in Brazil. Funny how there is this other super duper perfect gorgeous man there named Marcos who I've blogged about before. So Franny and I wanna go on an epic adventure to Brazil and leave there with our perfect others together, and live happily ever after! That's why we were meant to be besties, and all of this is def meant to happen! ;D
Oh yeah, I'm yet to write more poetry. I just haven't been too inspired or creative lately. I need inspiration. =[
♥♪♫♥
Oh yeah, I'm yet to write more poetry. I just haven't been too inspired or creative lately. I need inspiration. =[
♥♪♫♥
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Jersey: Almost Home Port.
I arrived at the grandparents Friday afternoon with my boxes and we hugged and brought them upstairs to my guest room. I'm planning on staying there for about a month or so or until my parents move up. I'm only going to live with my parents until I find a place with Fran and Adam. I'm going to find a job the minute I move there so I can save for a place and move in hopefully by August. Sounds realisitic, right?
As for the cosmo school... Second thoughts. I'm going, but don't know exactly when. Money is top priority for me right now, and I can always go to school whenever I'm ready. It's free. It's worth consulting the school while I'm up here now though and enrolling so that it is there for me.
I stayed at my aunt Lauren or "Bubba" and Amy's house last night and that's who I talked to about this. I love being able to get advice from her because she's successful. I had a lot of fun at her house. We went to a "post-pwnd" St. Patrick's Day Parade and I met up with her neighbor, Bob, and his Chinese adopted niece. Cutest thing in the world. Made me want to adopt even more. Got mushy looking at her and talking to her. Such a smart kid.
After the parade, Bubba and Amy and I stopped back at the house for a bit then went back downtown to Century 21 and shopped there. She bought me two really cute dresses there. One was navy with anchors all over it! The other was kinda "sea"-through (Allie's happy enough to start using sailor puns again!) with black and white stripes all down it. Tight yet flowy. Adorable. Then we went to the town over to feed her friend's cats and then went to a couple other stores. I bought a super cute pair of white stilettoes there. We managed to get everything done in the town over in about a half hour since we had to be bcak at a certain time to take care of her neighbor's dog! Yeah, we're good.
After that, Bob came over with his weird drunk friend. He kept telling me I'm beautiful which made things really scary and awkward. He kept staring at me drinking my drink when we were all out back seated at the black iron table. I couldn't even sip my drink anymore because he was just soo creepy and I felt soo violated! So I covered my face with the fur lining of my green plaid trench coat and awkwardly waltzed into the house.
Finally, they had left, and as we walked out of the house to go to a roller derby, Bubba locked the front door (which she never does). That's how bad of a vibe we got from him.
Roller derby was soo fun! The names of these girls were so amusing. One was named "Assault Shaker", another was "Felter Snatch", and another one was "Curry Plowdher". I've always wanted to be in a roller derby league, but I was always afraid it would interfere with ballet. Plus, you have to be 18 for insurance purposes. When I move up, I'm totally joining. I came up with the title "Assassin Titties" for myself. I think it fits. Then I can have a theme song for myself. Wait, two! One by DJ Assault and the other by Three 6 Mafia. <3
We had to leave early because Amy ended up having to go to her aunt's down the shore and when she got home, the house was locked and she couldn't get in. We told her why it was locked and she was like "Really?" (usual expression you get from people, ya know...).
We went out back and they made a fire. We talked about what I plan on doing with my life when I move up here. Very interesting, but kinda scary at the same time. I mean, once I move here, my life will change dramatically. Everything, I mean everything, will be completely different. Lots of pros and cons to weigh out there. More pros but pros can have some cons in them as well... but let's be optimistic. At least I'm moving there for a more responsible change, and I'm not being forces somewhere to be enslaved. I made this choice, so I must live with it. Yeah the first few weeks will feel weird, but after i get use to things and I have money, things will be great. =]
I'm looking forward to all of this, but I'm glad I have one last month down there to spend with a couple people. Can't wait to see how things will end up late summer. Hope everything works out.
♥♪♫♥
As for the cosmo school... Second thoughts. I'm going, but don't know exactly when. Money is top priority for me right now, and I can always go to school whenever I'm ready. It's free. It's worth consulting the school while I'm up here now though and enrolling so that it is there for me.
I stayed at my aunt Lauren or "Bubba" and Amy's house last night and that's who I talked to about this. I love being able to get advice from her because she's successful. I had a lot of fun at her house. We went to a "post-pwnd" St. Patrick's Day Parade and I met up with her neighbor, Bob, and his Chinese adopted niece. Cutest thing in the world. Made me want to adopt even more. Got mushy looking at her and talking to her. Such a smart kid.
After the parade, Bubba and Amy and I stopped back at the house for a bit then went back downtown to Century 21 and shopped there. She bought me two really cute dresses there. One was navy with anchors all over it! The other was kinda "sea"-through (Allie's happy enough to start using sailor puns again!) with black and white stripes all down it. Tight yet flowy. Adorable. Then we went to the town over to feed her friend's cats and then went to a couple other stores. I bought a super cute pair of white stilettoes there. We managed to get everything done in the town over in about a half hour since we had to be bcak at a certain time to take care of her neighbor's dog! Yeah, we're good.
After that, Bob came over with his weird drunk friend. He kept telling me I'm beautiful which made things really scary and awkward. He kept staring at me drinking my drink when we were all out back seated at the black iron table. I couldn't even sip my drink anymore because he was just soo creepy and I felt soo violated! So I covered my face with the fur lining of my green plaid trench coat and awkwardly waltzed into the house.
Finally, they had left, and as we walked out of the house to go to a roller derby, Bubba locked the front door (which she never does). That's how bad of a vibe we got from him.
Roller derby was soo fun! The names of these girls were so amusing. One was named "Assault Shaker", another was "Felter Snatch", and another one was "Curry Plowdher". I've always wanted to be in a roller derby league, but I was always afraid it would interfere with ballet. Plus, you have to be 18 for insurance purposes. When I move up, I'm totally joining. I came up with the title "Assassin Titties" for myself. I think it fits. Then I can have a theme song for myself. Wait, two! One by DJ Assault and the other by Three 6 Mafia. <3
We had to leave early because Amy ended up having to go to her aunt's down the shore and when she got home, the house was locked and she couldn't get in. We told her why it was locked and she was like "Really?" (usual expression you get from people, ya know...).
We went out back and they made a fire. We talked about what I plan on doing with my life when I move up here. Very interesting, but kinda scary at the same time. I mean, once I move here, my life will change dramatically. Everything, I mean everything, will be completely different. Lots of pros and cons to weigh out there. More pros but pros can have some cons in them as well... but let's be optimistic. At least I'm moving there for a more responsible change, and I'm not being forces somewhere to be enslaved. I made this choice, so I must live with it. Yeah the first few weeks will feel weird, but after i get use to things and I have money, things will be great. =]
I'm looking forward to all of this, but I'm glad I have one last month down there to spend with a couple people. Can't wait to see how things will end up late summer. Hope everything works out.
♥♪♫♥
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
The Second to Last Depart.
About two more hours! I leave for Jersey! Moving the stuff up, and the move is final! It's just a week long visit with the family to establish everything. Then, I come back down to Florida for one last month with the family and few friends I have down here, and celebrate my 18th, and then fly up a few days after.
I'm soo excited. I can't wait to see my cousin, and my friend Fabulous Franny! We're going to have soo much fun together.
Incase you're wondering why I'm up, I have a neurologist appointment for my vertigo today in St. Petersburg. They want me to be sleep deprived. Yeah... no sleep allowed for me. Not a problem really. Anxiety never allows me to sleep anyway. -___-
However, I did just get the custest message ever from a really good friend of mine named Adam. Best friend anyone could ask for. It said, "Heyy I hope you have a safe trip up north and please eat some NJ pizza for me and also have fun <3".
I'm going to miss Adam when I move even though I hardly see him. I hope he moves up this Summer! That would be sooo fluffin cool. <3
♥♪♫♥
I'm soo excited. I can't wait to see my cousin, and my friend Fabulous Franny! We're going to have soo much fun together.
Incase you're wondering why I'm up, I have a neurologist appointment for my vertigo today in St. Petersburg. They want me to be sleep deprived. Yeah... no sleep allowed for me. Not a problem really. Anxiety never allows me to sleep anyway. -___-
However, I did just get the custest message ever from a really good friend of mine named Adam. Best friend anyone could ask for. It said, "Heyy I hope you have a safe trip up north and please eat some NJ pizza for me and also have fun <3".
I'm going to miss Adam when I move even though I hardly see him. I hope he moves up this Summer! That would be sooo fluffin cool. <3
♥♪♫♥
Arr! These Blubberins Be Makin Me Eyes Wet!
..................................................................................................y...o...u......l...o...s...e.........................................
.......t...e...h.......g...a...m...e..................................!
♥♪♫♥
My Life's To Do or "Adventure" List.
My life is about to start soon. I don't think it has officially "started" yet. It doesn't start until I'm content. I'm yet to have that feeling.
Here's my "realistic" and "legit" list:
1) Move to Jersey - Sometime in May!
2) Get a job there and enroll in school.
3) Make friends and get closer with my family.
4) See Johnisha again and finally meet my godson, Braden.
5) Enroll myself into Broadway Dance's ADVANCED Contemporary Class.
6) Meet Marcos.
7) Get a place with Adam or Fran... or both.
8) Travel somewhere out of the U.S. ...preferably with Alie with me, of course!
9) Become Level 4 proficient in Japanese.
10) Hopefully come back from my Journalism hiatus.
I just decided to list the top ten things I want to do. They're realistic whether you want to believe it or not. I'm going to make these things happen, and no animate or inanimate object can stop me. ;D
♥♪♫♥
Here's my "realistic" and "legit" list:
1) Move to Jersey - Sometime in May!
2) Get a job there and enroll in school.
3) Make friends and get closer with my family.
4) See Johnisha again and finally meet my godson, Braden.
5) Enroll myself into Broadway Dance's ADVANCED Contemporary Class.
6) Meet Marcos.
7) Get a place with Adam or Fran... or both.
8) Travel somewhere out of the U.S. ...preferably with Alie with me, of course!
9) Become Level 4 proficient in Japanese.
10) Hopefully come back from my Journalism hiatus.
I just decided to list the top ten things I want to do. They're realistic whether you want to believe it or not. I'm going to make these things happen, and no animate or inanimate object can stop me. ;D
♥♪♫♥
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Continue, yah? Mhmm.
Okayy! Back to my blog. Kinda glad I waited to finish. Now I'm in an even happier state of mind because a certain someone I haven't really talked to in forever and I miss soo much just made me super happy. So yup.
Oh, the dream. Watch my vlog posted in the tube. Link is in my profile.
Ciao!
♥♪♫♥
Oh, the dream. Watch my vlog posted in the tube. Link is in my profile.
Ciao!
♥♪♫♥
Another Night Out. Another Dance Floor.
I haven't posted in a while, especially anything happy. All of the sudden I'm feeling happy. I finally got a slap in the face and realized so many things.
Yes, it's 5AM. As someone with anxiety would do, you can't get to sleep without finishing the day's to do list. So I'm writing this blog. Yeah, I ended up not sleeping until 5AM yesterday either. This vertigo has screwed up my sleeping schedule epically.
Anywho, I had an amazing dream last night... Oh shit... I hear footsteps. I'll finish later! Can't get cought on here! Bye.
♥♪♫♥
Yes, it's 5AM. As someone with anxiety would do, you can't get to sleep without finishing the day's to do list. So I'm writing this blog. Yeah, I ended up not sleeping until 5AM yesterday either. This vertigo has screwed up my sleeping schedule epically.
Anywho, I had an amazing dream last night... Oh shit... I hear footsteps. I'll finish later! Can't get cought on here! Bye.
♥♪♫♥
Friday, 12 March 2010
SS Merion.
The SS Merion was an American battle ship sunken by a German submarine. End of story. ...for the ship.
...but not the blog post.
I think that I am a battle ship attempting to fight off too much at once. I can't keep dodging torpedo after torpedo. It's getting old. It's making me sick.
To be honest, when I was cleaning my room to replace furniture, I found more hospital bands and get well cards. It was ridiculous. I could wallpaper my room pretty much.
I'm sick of things being wrong. One thing after another. I was just in the hospital this morning, yet again.
Reason so: I've been getting a bit light headed and dizzy for the past year now. I didn't think it was that bad. At first I was only getting it for a split second if I would get up from a seat. I thought it was because I was getting up too fast.
About a month ago, it all of the sudden got worse. I keep blacking out for a second when I stand up. Literally. I get so dizzy I can't see for a second or two. I thought I could be anemic because I'm pescetarian. I felt most of the symptoms. I didn't want to admit I have another illness because I'm pretty sure I have enough of them, am I right? I don't want to look like a hypochondriac.
I went to get checked yesterday, and my mom made a big deal "she's not eating". I wanted to slap her. She knows damn well I've been eating. I just happened to cut some calories out and I cut out the really bad things. I've been doing great. ...but nevermind all of that. The doctor asked me about my diet, and she said I'm really healthy and am at a perfect BMI. (I disagree. Sure in American obesity standards, but def not in the ballet world.) She gave me a slip to have bloodwork done for the next morning.
Last night I looked up what symptoms could've led to. Diabetes, pneumonia, anemia, you name it. I posted that little status saying how I hope the bloodwork turns out okay and went to bed. Well, I went to bed and I couldn't sleep for shit. Anytime I would almost fall asleep, I would get super dizzy. Dizzier than ever. The room would spin and I'd black out for a second. Then get a really bad hot flash. I pretty much felt like I was going to die. I was too scared to go to sleep from that point. I tried several times. Each time I would almost fall asleep, it would happen worse the next time. I couldn't stop crying.
So I got up out of bed and walked around a bit. Got a sip of cranberry and sat at the computer again because what else could I have done at about 3am? I'm glad Alie was there to make me happy. I talked to her on AIM as I watched half of The Karen Carpenter Story. (Sad by the way, I def suggest it.) At about 4:15, I decided to attempt to go to bed again because god forbid mom gets up and sees me on.
I get to bed, put on my Early November playlist on my nano, and attempt to go to sleep again. Same shit. Even worse. I tried several times. Each time I would sit up during a hot flash was when it would stop. So I tried sleeping on extra pillows for elevation. Didn't help. I didn't know what to do.
Why wake mom up if there's nothing wrong? I'm sick of making her take me to the damn hospital all the time. I'm sick of being an inconvenience because I'm always sick. That woman has taken me to every hospital, appointment, procedre, etc. I'm pretty sure I've been to almost every hospital on the gulf coast by now. (I've counted about 8 different ones I've been admitted to.)
I was determined to keep trying to sleep. I was NOT going to bother her. Finally at about 5am, this giant one came about and that was it. I was finally like "umm I think I'll wake her up now". So I gathered the will power to do so. She woke up and her natural reaction was "okay, do you want to go to the hospital? I'll take you...". Mind you, it was pouring. I love how taking me is nothing to her. I hate admitting when I'm sick. I just want to be healthy for a day. That's all I ask for.
So we went and had several tests done. They came back with the resuts, and I have nothing medically wrong. This is where I actually admitted there had to be something because I'm not one to just say oh yeah I think I have something. I wait for it to get really bad to be sure.
They said it could be neurogical. I'm so sad and have so much stress and anxiety that it made me sick was pretty much what they were saying. From being so damn sick my whole life and failing in school because of it and not making anything of myself because it stopped me. So bad that it made me drop out. Dropping out just added more stress. Losing my best friend didn't help either. One wrong thing after another.
Oh, and tomorrow it will be three months he'll be gone for. I still can't grasp the fact that it happened. That's really making me sick. I'm trying to handle too much at once. Yeah, sure I'm excited to be moving to Jersey next month, but that's not fixing the damage that's already been done. (Oh shit. I've been so worked up that I forgot to post a happy exciting post about how I'm moving! I'll do it later I guess. That exclamation point took energy...)
I managed to get three hours of sleep. I woke up at 12 (an hour and a half ago) balling my eyes out once again. I can't stop. At times when I blink, these letters start to look italic to me because my eyes are so glossy and keep letting out fucking tsunamis. I don't think I can handle much more. I used to smile things off, but how much is really possible to smile off until you can't anymore?
♥♪♫♥
...but not the blog post.
I think that I am a battle ship attempting to fight off too much at once. I can't keep dodging torpedo after torpedo. It's getting old. It's making me sick.
To be honest, when I was cleaning my room to replace furniture, I found more hospital bands and get well cards. It was ridiculous. I could wallpaper my room pretty much.
I'm sick of things being wrong. One thing after another. I was just in the hospital this morning, yet again.
Reason so: I've been getting a bit light headed and dizzy for the past year now. I didn't think it was that bad. At first I was only getting it for a split second if I would get up from a seat. I thought it was because I was getting up too fast.
About a month ago, it all of the sudden got worse. I keep blacking out for a second when I stand up. Literally. I get so dizzy I can't see for a second or two. I thought I could be anemic because I'm pescetarian. I felt most of the symptoms. I didn't want to admit I have another illness because I'm pretty sure I have enough of them, am I right? I don't want to look like a hypochondriac.
I went to get checked yesterday, and my mom made a big deal "she's not eating". I wanted to slap her. She knows damn well I've been eating. I just happened to cut some calories out and I cut out the really bad things. I've been doing great. ...but nevermind all of that. The doctor asked me about my diet, and she said I'm really healthy and am at a perfect BMI. (I disagree. Sure in American obesity standards, but def not in the ballet world.) She gave me a slip to have bloodwork done for the next morning.
Last night I looked up what symptoms could've led to. Diabetes, pneumonia, anemia, you name it. I posted that little status saying how I hope the bloodwork turns out okay and went to bed. Well, I went to bed and I couldn't sleep for shit. Anytime I would almost fall asleep, I would get super dizzy. Dizzier than ever. The room would spin and I'd black out for a second. Then get a really bad hot flash. I pretty much felt like I was going to die. I was too scared to go to sleep from that point. I tried several times. Each time I would almost fall asleep, it would happen worse the next time. I couldn't stop crying.
So I got up out of bed and walked around a bit. Got a sip of cranberry and sat at the computer again because what else could I have done at about 3am? I'm glad Alie was there to make me happy. I talked to her on AIM as I watched half of The Karen Carpenter Story. (Sad by the way, I def suggest it.) At about 4:15, I decided to attempt to go to bed again because god forbid mom gets up and sees me on.
I get to bed, put on my Early November playlist on my nano, and attempt to go to sleep again. Same shit. Even worse. I tried several times. Each time I would sit up during a hot flash was when it would stop. So I tried sleeping on extra pillows for elevation. Didn't help. I didn't know what to do.
Why wake mom up if there's nothing wrong? I'm sick of making her take me to the damn hospital all the time. I'm sick of being an inconvenience because I'm always sick. That woman has taken me to every hospital, appointment, procedre, etc. I'm pretty sure I've been to almost every hospital on the gulf coast by now. (I've counted about 8 different ones I've been admitted to.)
I was determined to keep trying to sleep. I was NOT going to bother her. Finally at about 5am, this giant one came about and that was it. I was finally like "umm I think I'll wake her up now". So I gathered the will power to do so. She woke up and her natural reaction was "okay, do you want to go to the hospital? I'll take you...". Mind you, it was pouring. I love how taking me is nothing to her. I hate admitting when I'm sick. I just want to be healthy for a day. That's all I ask for.
So we went and had several tests done. They came back with the resuts, and I have nothing medically wrong. This is where I actually admitted there had to be something because I'm not one to just say oh yeah I think I have something. I wait for it to get really bad to be sure.
They said it could be neurogical. I'm so sad and have so much stress and anxiety that it made me sick was pretty much what they were saying. From being so damn sick my whole life and failing in school because of it and not making anything of myself because it stopped me. So bad that it made me drop out. Dropping out just added more stress. Losing my best friend didn't help either. One wrong thing after another.
Oh, and tomorrow it will be three months he'll be gone for. I still can't grasp the fact that it happened. That's really making me sick. I'm trying to handle too much at once. Yeah, sure I'm excited to be moving to Jersey next month, but that's not fixing the damage that's already been done. (Oh shit. I've been so worked up that I forgot to post a happy exciting post about how I'm moving! I'll do it later I guess. That exclamation point took energy...)
I managed to get three hours of sleep. I woke up at 12 (an hour and a half ago) balling my eyes out once again. I can't stop. At times when I blink, these letters start to look italic to me because my eyes are so glossy and keep letting out fucking tsunamis. I don't think I can handle much more. I used to smile things off, but how much is really possible to smile off until you can't anymore?
♥♪♫♥
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Amazing Race Application.
Man, oh man, I can't wait until I'm 21! I hope my arthritis doesn't hold against me and they don't accept the application...
I know exactly who I want to be my teammate. <3
On many of these, I assumed what I would be doing by then. I'd better be doing as planned.
THE (Sailboat Fantasy) AMAZING RACE 20 APPLICATION FORM
EACH MEMBER OF YOUR TEAM SHOULD COMPLETE A SEPARATE APPLICATION FORM. BOTH APPLICATIONS SHOULD BE SUBMITTED TOGETHER, ALONG WITH ONE VIDEOTAPE OR DVD FOR THE WHOLE TEAM. PLEASE REVIEW THE APPLICATION PROCEDURE AND ELIGIBILITY REQUIREMENTS CAREFULLY BEFORE SUBMITTING YOUR APPLICATIONS. PLEASE RESPOND COMPLETELY AND HONESTLY.
CITY #:... RELATIONSHIP TO TEAMMATE: Co-Captain! ;D
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN EACH OTHER? Several years.
1) YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION
First Name: Alyson
Last Name: McKay
Nickname (if any): Allie Sailboat
Street Address: _________?___________ City: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
State: New York Zip: 1121something.
Gender (please circle): F Age: 21
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height: 5’0”
Weight: Whatever weight I decide to be at that time.
Date of Birth: May 13th Social Security #: (Don’t want silly Mexicans to steal it.)
What is your current occupation? Please describe in 2 words.
Salon Owner. ;]
In two sentences, please describe what you do.
I boost clients’ self-esteem by making them look good. Therefore, they feel good as well.
How will these skills help you to win the Race?
Speaking with clients everyday allows me to boost my social skills more and more everyday. I love learning more about people by observing their personality types as I converse and interact with them. When working in my field, learning to please and making people feel comfortable with you rather than awkward are the two main positive factors in which result in a positive product.
Please list your prior occupations.
(I’m not quite sure about this one. I guess by then all I will have to say is something in the salon business because there were never any jobs out there for me. One Word: Economy.)
Marital Status / Significant Other (check as applicable):
(uhhhhmmm... Well I hope by then... ya knowww... ;D)
Single (with no significant other) _________
Boyfriend______ Name____________________ Dating how long? ________
Girlfriend______ Name____________________ Dating how long? ________
Engaged? ______ Name ___________________ Engaged how long? ______
Live together? ______ Name _______________ Live together how long? ____
Married________ Name ____________________ Married how long? _______
Divorced_______ How many times? __________
Widowed_______
2) TEAMMATE INFORMATION
Teammate's First Name: ____________________
Teammate's Last Name: ____________________
How long have you and your teammate known each other?
Several years.
How did you meet?
Somewhere random. Let's just say.
What do you hope to gain from participating in The Amazing Race with your partner (besides winning)?
This person IS someone I want to venture the world with. Just the opportunity to go on the adventure and enjoy it will be an accomplishment.
What communication issues do you have with your partner that you would want to address while on the Race?
N/A??
What is the biggest disappointment you have experienced from your teammate?
Distance? (As for now.)
How did you resolve it?
(I don’t know yet… There is def a plan out there…)
What famous person reminds you of yourself?
Angelina Jolie, Victoria Addams.
What famous person reminds you of your teammate?
McLovin! ♥
What type of activities do you like to do with your teammate?
(Besides make signs and laugh at him singing Britney Spears on cam… Don’t know yet…)
What is your biggest pet peeve about your partner?
Can’t say I have any.
What time(s) together with your teammate are/have been the most memorable? Why?
The time we drank “socially” on cam. We really discovered how alike we are. I doubt there is anyone else as close to being nearly like me.
What is the worst experience you have had with your teammate? Why?
The worst was still fun if there was a worst one.
How are you and your teammate most alike?
I could honestly write a trilogy.
How are you and your teammate most different?
That one is just a short essay.
How could the Race change the current state of your relationship?
...I honestly have noo idea. I know it will be positive though... or at least I sure hope so.
3) OTHER INFORMATION
Not including your current place of residence, in which other cities and/or countries have you lived and for what period of time?
I’ve lived in Jersey, Florida, and then here.
What most scares you about traveling?
Just the natural disasters really, and those rarely happen. However, with the global warming and what had been going down lately, who knows?
What most excites you about traveling?
Everything!
What is your opinion of foreigners?
As long as they are legal and speak English, I’m pretty lenient when it comes to amnesty. Everyone needs a chance. Life is too short for failure. After reading the memoirs I’ve been reading, my opinion has changed dramatically.
What was the last vacation that you took?
I think Montreal when I was about 7. I don’t count driving through states from Florida to Jersey to visit as “vacation”.
Are there any locations in the world to which you absolutely will not travel? If so, identify where and explain why.
I’m willing to go anywhere! I want to see everything from every perspective possible. I’m just that crazy.
Have you ever traveled outside of the U.S.? If so, to where?
Canada.
Do you speak or read any foreign languages? If so, which one(s)?
(This is a prediction...) Japanese: Level 4 Profecient, French, and attempting to learn Tagalog and Chinese.
What country and place would you most like to visit and why?
I really want to travel to any third world, especially Cambodia, Sierra Leone, or anywhere in Africa.
What part of the world is the least interesting to you and why?
I’m not really about “luxurious” places. I mean, they're nice and all, but my goal in life is to be able to help out at refugee camps, and I want to help make the world a better place, though I am really interested in Japan, Singapore, and anywhere in Europe.
Do you get sea, air or car sick? If yes, please state which.
None of the above.
What is your level of education and what school(s) did you attend?
(I’m hoping by then, many hair and salon business workshops.)
Name three of your favorite hobbies.
1. Dance/Music Theory (they fall into the same category to me)
2. Foreign Language
3. Cosmetology
If given the choice, would you rather compete with 10 other people for $1,000,000 or split the million and give everyone $100,000 each? Why?
I would split it. I’m not greedy. What would I do with a million dollars besides donate it or start my foundation for arthritic children? I could possibly even start the foundation with just the $100,000.
Do you have any phobias?
Podophobia.
Have you been treated for or experienced any physical or mental illness(es) within the last ten years? YES
If Yes, please describe in detail, citing dates, diagnosis and any on-going problems:
Woahh. That’s a long list. This is the problem I’m worried about. I hope they accept the application. I wonder if I can bend the truth a bit?
Are you currently taking any medications? If yes, which ones, and why are you taking them? (What will I be taking then? Will I still be on Enbrel only once a month? Or will I be able to afford a more natural treatment and be almost cured? The world may never know.)
Please list any allergies you have (medications, food, hay fever, dust, etc.) and your current treatment for them:
Palm Trees! Not horrible though, for I’ve lived in Florida half my life. Oh the irony. I didn’t find out until my last year there when I finally had an allergy test. I'm also allergic to Burmuda grass, mold, dust mites, cockroaches, and my skin doesn't like lavender too much. My allergies are quite mild though.
Have you ever been arrested? If so, describe when you were arrested, the circumstances, charge(s), and whether or not you were convicted. If you were convicted, describe the penalties imposed.
Never.
Are there any outstanding warrants for your arrest? If so, please explain the circumstances.
N/A.
Have you ever been subject to any non-judicial disciplinary or administrative hearings or tribunal(s)? If so, explain the circumstances and the outcomes of such hearing(s) or tribunal(s).
N/A.
List the three adjectives that best describe you:
1. Optimistic
2. Health-conscious
3. Flexible
What is the accomplishment that you are most proud of?
Beating arthritis.
Have you ever been on television before? If so, when and what shows?
No.
Have you ever appeared in a publicly released film or video of any sort? If so, when and what film(s) or video(s)?
No.
What is your favorite TV Show?
I have many, but it’s quite obvious that if I’m filling out an application, this has to be one of my favourites. I also love Split Ends, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Robert Verdi, Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, Sex and the City, any HBO Documentary, anything on Food Network, anything on CNN (except Larry King), No Reservations, Bizarre Foods, and many more.
What is your favorite movie?
Girl Interrupted, March of the Penguins, Yellow Submarine, Alice in Wonderland (retro version), Fantastic Planet, Adventures of Mark Twain, Coraline, and many others.
What is your favorite music to listen to?
Inspirational, Classical, Ambient, Techno, and Punk are my favourite genres. As for bands/artists, I like too many. I will name a few: Coldplay, Jack’s Mannequin, Regina Spektor, Tchaikovsky, Edward Elgar, Francis Poulenc, Nobuo Uematsu, Rubinstein, Animal Collective, The Beatles, Aphex Twin, The Early November, Chopin, and Ben Folds.
Describe your perfect day:
No such thing. It’s just a day where you just so happen to make the best of whom or what may be there for you. I’m yet to experience one of these so called “perfect days”. Perhaps on my travels around the world?
What is/was the most exciting moment of your life?
There can be both good and bad excitement. My life has been quite boring. I appreciate it though. There are people who have it much worse than I do, and only in a few good ways I’m thankful for what has happened because all the bad events are just learning experiences.
The Good: Drop Dead Gorgeous show in 2007 – I used to be a local music journalist. I went on their tour bus and did a ten minute interview with Aaron Rothe. It was a good night.
The Bad: December of 2009 when my best friend passed away.
Do you belong to any affiliations or organizations?
I am currently a part of The Arthritis Foundation, Project Polar Bear, and Save Japan Dolphins.
Have you ever been on a reality or dating show? If so, please name the show, the length of time you appeared on the show, and when it aired.
Never.
Do you have any pre-existing contracts that may affect your ability to participate in Race? If so, please explain. This includes your ability to grant the rights required by Producers such as any limitations on your availability or if you have any exclusive contracts.
No.
What is your swimming ability?
Excellent
Medium.
Poor
I can’t swim. ___________
How do you blow off steam?
Dance, Poetry, Piano/harp/viola/acoustic-guitar, Blogging, 4 mile walk, and/or working out.
(Harp and viola are what I will be playing as soon as I have money to buy them. That means hopefully this year.)
What sports, hobbies or special skills do you have?
Cosmetology; Ballet, Lyrical, and hip-hop dance(s); Music Theory; Cooking/Baking; Writing;
How much of THE AMAZING RACE have you seen?
None _____
A few episodes here and there __♥__
A full season __♥__
I’ve never missed an episode. ______
Other – please explain. ______
If you’ve seen the show, who among past racers would you most pattern your game after? Why? The "little people" from a few seasons ago. My aunt: "I wonder if they get everything half-price?" (LMAO. This answer will NOT be on the real application submission.)
Do you know any reality show contestants? Who and from what show? Any past RACE contestants?
No.
Do you know anybody involved in the production of THE AMAZING RACE?
No.
If another team that you are competing against on the Race unknowingly drops their plane ticket in front of you, do you:
A) Pick it up and nicely give it back – karma’s a bitch!
B) Pretend like you don’t see it, leave it there and hope it slows them down.
C) Pick it up when they are not looking and hide it…You’ll do anything to get ahead!
IMPORTANT NOTE – THIS QUESTION IS ONLY FOR CASTING PURPOSES AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN AS AN ACTUAL AND OFFICIAL RULE.
…blahh blahh blahh… You have to read this long ass policy thing and sign. Fun stuff.
I know exactly who I want to be my teammate. <3
On many of these, I assumed what I would be doing by then. I'd better be doing as planned.
THE (Sailboat Fantasy) AMAZING RACE 20 APPLICATION FORM
EACH MEMBER OF YOUR TEAM SHOULD COMPLETE A SEPARATE APPLICATION FORM. BOTH APPLICATIONS SHOULD BE SUBMITTED TOGETHER, ALONG WITH ONE VIDEOTAPE OR DVD FOR THE WHOLE TEAM. PLEASE REVIEW THE APPLICATION PROCEDURE AND ELIGIBILITY REQUIREMENTS CAREFULLY BEFORE SUBMITTING YOUR APPLICATIONS. PLEASE RESPOND COMPLETELY AND HONESTLY.
CITY #:... RELATIONSHIP TO TEAMMATE: Co-Captain! ;D
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN EACH OTHER? Several years.
1) YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION
First Name: Alyson
Last Name: McKay
Nickname (if any): Allie Sailboat
Street Address: _________?___________ City: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
State: New York Zip: 1121something.
Gender (please circle): F Age: 21
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height: 5’0”
Weight: Whatever weight I decide to be at that time.
Date of Birth: May 13th Social Security #: (Don’t want silly Mexicans to steal it.)
What is your current occupation? Please describe in 2 words.
Salon Owner. ;]
In two sentences, please describe what you do.
I boost clients’ self-esteem by making them look good. Therefore, they feel good as well.
How will these skills help you to win the Race?
Speaking with clients everyday allows me to boost my social skills more and more everyday. I love learning more about people by observing their personality types as I converse and interact with them. When working in my field, learning to please and making people feel comfortable with you rather than awkward are the two main positive factors in which result in a positive product.
Please list your prior occupations.
(I’m not quite sure about this one. I guess by then all I will have to say is something in the salon business because there were never any jobs out there for me. One Word: Economy.)
Marital Status / Significant Other (check as applicable):
(uhhhhmmm... Well I hope by then... ya knowww... ;D)
Single (with no significant other) _________
Boyfriend______ Name____________________ Dating how long? ________
Girlfriend______ Name____________________ Dating how long? ________
Engaged? ______ Name ___________________ Engaged how long? ______
Live together? ______ Name _______________ Live together how long? ____
Married________ Name ____________________ Married how long? _______
Divorced_______ How many times? __________
Widowed_______
2) TEAMMATE INFORMATION
Teammate's First Name: ____________________
Teammate's Last Name: ____________________
How long have you and your teammate known each other?
Several years.
How did you meet?
Somewhere random. Let's just say.
What do you hope to gain from participating in The Amazing Race with your partner (besides winning)?
This person IS someone I want to venture the world with. Just the opportunity to go on the adventure and enjoy it will be an accomplishment.
What communication issues do you have with your partner that you would want to address while on the Race?
N/A??
What is the biggest disappointment you have experienced from your teammate?
Distance? (As for now.)
How did you resolve it?
(I don’t know yet… There is def a plan out there…)
What famous person reminds you of yourself?
Angelina Jolie, Victoria Addams.
What famous person reminds you of your teammate?
McLovin! ♥
What type of activities do you like to do with your teammate?
(Besides make signs and laugh at him singing Britney Spears on cam… Don’t know yet…)
What is your biggest pet peeve about your partner?
Can’t say I have any.
What time(s) together with your teammate are/have been the most memorable? Why?
The time we drank “socially” on cam. We really discovered how alike we are. I doubt there is anyone else as close to being nearly like me.
What is the worst experience you have had with your teammate? Why?
The worst was still fun if there was a worst one.
How are you and your teammate most alike?
I could honestly write a trilogy.
How are you and your teammate most different?
That one is just a short essay.
How could the Race change the current state of your relationship?
...I honestly have noo idea. I know it will be positive though... or at least I sure hope so.
3) OTHER INFORMATION
Not including your current place of residence, in which other cities and/or countries have you lived and for what period of time?
I’ve lived in Jersey, Florida, and then here.
What most scares you about traveling?
Just the natural disasters really, and those rarely happen. However, with the global warming and what had been going down lately, who knows?
What most excites you about traveling?
Everything!
What is your opinion of foreigners?
As long as they are legal and speak English, I’m pretty lenient when it comes to amnesty. Everyone needs a chance. Life is too short for failure. After reading the memoirs I’ve been reading, my opinion has changed dramatically.
What was the last vacation that you took?
I think Montreal when I was about 7. I don’t count driving through states from Florida to Jersey to visit as “vacation”.
Are there any locations in the world to which you absolutely will not travel? If so, identify where and explain why.
I’m willing to go anywhere! I want to see everything from every perspective possible. I’m just that crazy.
Have you ever traveled outside of the U.S.? If so, to where?
Canada.
Do you speak or read any foreign languages? If so, which one(s)?
(This is a prediction...) Japanese: Level 4 Profecient, French, and attempting to learn Tagalog and Chinese.
What country and place would you most like to visit and why?
I really want to travel to any third world, especially Cambodia, Sierra Leone, or anywhere in Africa.
What part of the world is the least interesting to you and why?
I’m not really about “luxurious” places. I mean, they're nice and all, but my goal in life is to be able to help out at refugee camps, and I want to help make the world a better place, though I am really interested in Japan, Singapore, and anywhere in Europe.
Do you get sea, air or car sick? If yes, please state which.
None of the above.
What is your level of education and what school(s) did you attend?
(I’m hoping by then, many hair and salon business workshops.)
Name three of your favorite hobbies.
1. Dance/Music Theory (they fall into the same category to me)
2. Foreign Language
3. Cosmetology
If given the choice, would you rather compete with 10 other people for $1,000,000 or split the million and give everyone $100,000 each? Why?
I would split it. I’m not greedy. What would I do with a million dollars besides donate it or start my foundation for arthritic children? I could possibly even start the foundation with just the $100,000.
Do you have any phobias?
Podophobia.
Have you been treated for or experienced any physical or mental illness(es) within the last ten years? YES
If Yes, please describe in detail, citing dates, diagnosis and any on-going problems:
Woahh. That’s a long list. This is the problem I’m worried about. I hope they accept the application. I wonder if I can bend the truth a bit?
Are you currently taking any medications? If yes, which ones, and why are you taking them? (What will I be taking then? Will I still be on Enbrel only once a month? Or will I be able to afford a more natural treatment and be almost cured? The world may never know.)
Please list any allergies you have (medications, food, hay fever, dust, etc.) and your current treatment for them:
Palm Trees! Not horrible though, for I’ve lived in Florida half my life. Oh the irony. I didn’t find out until my last year there when I finally had an allergy test. I'm also allergic to Burmuda grass, mold, dust mites, cockroaches, and my skin doesn't like lavender too much. My allergies are quite mild though.
Have you ever been arrested? If so, describe when you were arrested, the circumstances, charge(s), and whether or not you were convicted. If you were convicted, describe the penalties imposed.
Never.
Are there any outstanding warrants for your arrest? If so, please explain the circumstances.
N/A.
Have you ever been subject to any non-judicial disciplinary or administrative hearings or tribunal(s)? If so, explain the circumstances and the outcomes of such hearing(s) or tribunal(s).
N/A.
List the three adjectives that best describe you:
1. Optimistic
2. Health-conscious
3. Flexible
What is the accomplishment that you are most proud of?
Beating arthritis.
Have you ever been on television before? If so, when and what shows?
No.
Have you ever appeared in a publicly released film or video of any sort? If so, when and what film(s) or video(s)?
No.
What is your favorite TV Show?
I have many, but it’s quite obvious that if I’m filling out an application, this has to be one of my favourites. I also love Split Ends, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Robert Verdi, Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, Sex and the City, any HBO Documentary, anything on Food Network, anything on CNN (except Larry King), No Reservations, Bizarre Foods, and many more.
What is your favorite movie?
Girl Interrupted, March of the Penguins, Yellow Submarine, Alice in Wonderland (retro version), Fantastic Planet, Adventures of Mark Twain, Coraline, and many others.
What is your favorite music to listen to?
Inspirational, Classical, Ambient, Techno, and Punk are my favourite genres. As for bands/artists, I like too many. I will name a few: Coldplay, Jack’s Mannequin, Regina Spektor, Tchaikovsky, Edward Elgar, Francis Poulenc, Nobuo Uematsu, Rubinstein, Animal Collective, The Beatles, Aphex Twin, The Early November, Chopin, and Ben Folds.
Describe your perfect day:
No such thing. It’s just a day where you just so happen to make the best of whom or what may be there for you. I’m yet to experience one of these so called “perfect days”. Perhaps on my travels around the world?
What is/was the most exciting moment of your life?
There can be both good and bad excitement. My life has been quite boring. I appreciate it though. There are people who have it much worse than I do, and only in a few good ways I’m thankful for what has happened because all the bad events are just learning experiences.
The Good: Drop Dead Gorgeous show in 2007 – I used to be a local music journalist. I went on their tour bus and did a ten minute interview with Aaron Rothe. It was a good night.
The Bad: December of 2009 when my best friend passed away.
Do you belong to any affiliations or organizations?
I am currently a part of The Arthritis Foundation, Project Polar Bear, and Save Japan Dolphins.
Have you ever been on a reality or dating show? If so, please name the show, the length of time you appeared on the show, and when it aired.
Never.
Do you have any pre-existing contracts that may affect your ability to participate in Race? If so, please explain. This includes your ability to grant the rights required by Producers such as any limitations on your availability or if you have any exclusive contracts.
No.
What is your swimming ability?
Excellent
Medium.
Poor
I can’t swim. ___________
How do you blow off steam?
Dance, Poetry, Piano/harp/viola/acoustic-guitar, Blogging, 4 mile walk, and/or working out.
(Harp and viola are what I will be playing as soon as I have money to buy them. That means hopefully this year.)
What sports, hobbies or special skills do you have?
Cosmetology; Ballet, Lyrical, and hip-hop dance(s); Music Theory; Cooking/Baking; Writing;
How much of THE AMAZING RACE have you seen?
None _____
A few episodes here and there __♥__
A full season __♥__
I’ve never missed an episode. ______
Other – please explain. ______
If you’ve seen the show, who among past racers would you most pattern your game after? Why? The "little people" from a few seasons ago. My aunt: "I wonder if they get everything half-price?" (LMAO. This answer will NOT be on the real application submission.)
Do you know any reality show contestants? Who and from what show? Any past RACE contestants?
No.
Do you know anybody involved in the production of THE AMAZING RACE?
No.
If another team that you are competing against on the Race unknowingly drops their plane ticket in front of you, do you:
A) Pick it up and nicely give it back – karma’s a bitch!
B) Pretend like you don’t see it, leave it there and hope it slows them down.
C) Pick it up when they are not looking and hide it…You’ll do anything to get ahead!
IMPORTANT NOTE – THIS QUESTION IS ONLY FOR CASTING PURPOSES AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN AS AN ACTUAL AND OFFICIAL RULE.
…blahh blahh blahh… You have to read this long ass policy thing and sign. Fun stuff.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Book Review: The Bite of the Mango.
This book made me cry it was so epic. Both triumph and tragedy. It won more than 10 different awards. The main character, Maritau Kamara had experienced more at the age of twelve than most people can experience in a lifetime. She had been through way more than what she deserved. She was a war victim who had earned the well deserved position of a UNICEF Special Representative.
Mariatu was born and raised in a small village in Sierra Leone called Magborou, and had a huge family. She was quite content with her simple life in her village. That was of course before the rebels had attacked. They had abducted Maritau and two of her loved ones. Soon she found herself with her arms chopped off and running to another nearby village where she had hoped rebels weren't located.
On her way there, poisonous snakes, dogs, and all kinds of deadly things had jumped out of the bushes in front of her. They barely even phased her, as long as they weren't rebels.
Halfway there, she had run into a man who she had hoped wouldn't do anything to her. Luckily he wasn't. He guided her to the nearby village. There, they cleaned the crusted blood off of her, and told her to run as fast as she could to a place called Port Loco. Unfortunately, that was the rebels' next destination, however, she had no choice. So she made her way there for help.
I'm not going to recite what happened from there, otherwise I would be giving away too much. As Americans, we would be going to a hospital the second even a deep cut would get into our arms, and it would be sewn shut with stitches. Can you imagine being 12 years old and running from village to village through woods and encountering dangerous wildlife after your arms had been chopped off? This is just one experience story in which happened to be published. Mariatu was just one of the many people who had gone through all of this. So much more had happened to her than just her arms being cut off.
I'm telling you, just read this. You won't regret it. It is by far, my favourite book of all time. She is definitely my hero, and I want to name my next kitty after her. ;]
♥♪♫♥
Mariatu was born and raised in a small village in Sierra Leone called Magborou, and had a huge family. She was quite content with her simple life in her village. That was of course before the rebels had attacked. They had abducted Maritau and two of her loved ones. Soon she found herself with her arms chopped off and running to another nearby village where she had hoped rebels weren't located.
On her way there, poisonous snakes, dogs, and all kinds of deadly things had jumped out of the bushes in front of her. They barely even phased her, as long as they weren't rebels.
Halfway there, she had run into a man who she had hoped wouldn't do anything to her. Luckily he wasn't. He guided her to the nearby village. There, they cleaned the crusted blood off of her, and told her to run as fast as she could to a place called Port Loco. Unfortunately, that was the rebels' next destination, however, she had no choice. So she made her way there for help.
I'm not going to recite what happened from there, otherwise I would be giving away too much. As Americans, we would be going to a hospital the second even a deep cut would get into our arms, and it would be sewn shut with stitches. Can you imagine being 12 years old and running from village to village through woods and encountering dangerous wildlife after your arms had been chopped off? This is just one experience story in which happened to be published. Mariatu was just one of the many people who had gone through all of this. So much more had happened to her than just her arms being cut off.
I'm telling you, just read this. You won't regret it. It is by far, my favourite book of all time. She is definitely my hero, and I want to name my next kitty after her. ;]
♥♪♫♥
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
No Entree, Exit Only.
Today was pretty nice. I had a teaspoon of balsamic with two beets for breakfast! Yummy! Then went off to Miromar in Estero with my grandma. I found one of the only descent accessory boutiques outside of The Village/NYC. There is where I found the most awesome necklace ever! I just had to have it. So me. Lookie!
On the ride home, the nauseating smell of Wendy's lingered in the air. Luckily I had applied "Sea Island Cotton" body scrub to my hands in the Bath & Body Works. Therefore I could just keep my hands practically up my nostrils to avoid the stench.
Then, all I could hear was the crinkling of a greasy paper bag. Thank gawd for my iPod! The blasted Something Corporate saved my life. Then I hear chomp chomp chomp munch munch munch om nom nom nom as more and more fries were being shoveled in. Then came the chicken sammich. That smell was even worse because of the mayo. -Funny story about mayo, actually.
Dream Sequence Time! A group of friends had force-fed me fast food (hooray for alliteration: friends force-fed fast food), and I had gotten food poisoning from the mayo. I kept bringing stuff up, and it was never ending. I thought I was going to die in the dream. I kept throwing it up, and caughing it up. It was so nasty. End Dream Sequence!
I don't understand how people can even think about fast food without getting grossed out. It's disgusting. Do you KNOW what it's made of? If it's not fresh out of the ground, from a tree, or plant, or natural in some way or another, it's not food. Period. (Chocolate is may biggest weakness, however...)
I would love to live in France. America's small is their supersize. How ironic, that's my supersize as well.
Also, explain this to me: Why is it that when people who have my figure (a few pounds or so overweight) decide to go on a strict diet, people yell at them and tell them that it's not healthy. What about the fat ones who love getting bigger? Why is that any different? That's America. I'm sorry to be here. I need to go somewhere like France where people will support me rather than put me down for this.
I've lost 6 lbs since the weekend! I've been so good! Not good enough though. I'm yet to be at my goal weight. I have about 9 more to go! Yayy!
♥♪♫♥
Monday, 22 February 2010
Surrendering Me Booty!
...to the scale!!
My plan:
♥ Only consume 300 calories or less per day. (2000 calorie diet is such bullshit. Why do you think the average American is overweight? Consider the excessive amounts of calories consumed.)
♥ Walk at least 4 miles daily.
♥ At least 200 leg lifts on each leg daily.
♥ At least 600 crunches daily.
♥ If salivating, chew gum.
♥ Espresso and water only. No other beverage. Tea is the only exception.
Okayyy, so I'm sure you guys are wondering why I'm on this "diet". I'm going to start modeling again, and I'm not at the "ideal weight requirement for my height". I'm taking this very seriously. Don't go trying to be funny rubbing food in my face. I'm sorry you're being a fat, rude, and ignorant American because you think it's cute. I am trying to decide whether or not to pity that. I respect people when they are trying to lose weight, therefore you should respect me as well. That goes for Tay especially. I didn't find it too amusing when you were trying to be funny before, "I'm eating a Pizza!". Oh yeah? Wait until I rub in your face how I'm accepted into badass places such as "Ladies of Metal" and "God's Girls". So shut yer face.
Anywho, the results are going to be amazing! It's not just for modeling. It's to better my ballet performance as well. I don't care whether YOU believe this is unhealthy or not. I want to progress more in ballet, and this weight will never allow me. It's impossible.
♥♪♫♥
My plan:
♥ Only consume 300 calories or less per day. (2000 calorie diet is such bullshit. Why do you think the average American is overweight? Consider the excessive amounts of calories consumed.)
♥ Walk at least 4 miles daily.
♥ At least 200 leg lifts on each leg daily.
♥ At least 600 crunches daily.
♥ If salivating, chew gum.
♥ Espresso and water only. No other beverage. Tea is the only exception.
Okayyy, so I'm sure you guys are wondering why I'm on this "diet". I'm going to start modeling again, and I'm not at the "ideal weight requirement for my height". I'm taking this very seriously. Don't go trying to be funny rubbing food in my face. I'm sorry you're being a fat, rude, and ignorant American because you think it's cute. I am trying to decide whether or not to pity that. I respect people when they are trying to lose weight, therefore you should respect me as well. That goes for Tay especially. I didn't find it too amusing when you were trying to be funny before, "I'm eating a Pizza!". Oh yeah? Wait until I rub in your face how I'm accepted into badass places such as "Ladies of Metal" and "God's Girls". So shut yer face.
Anywho, the results are going to be amazing! It's not just for modeling. It's to better my ballet performance as well. I don't care whether YOU believe this is unhealthy or not. I want to progress more in ballet, and this weight will never allow me. It's impossible.
♥♪♫♥
A Shallow Dermis.
So everything I ate today was only in the 2-digit calorie zone. I consumed under 300 calories and burned off more than I ate. Minus 10 lb goal, here I come!
I did the same yesterday. I'm finally under 110. I'd better be around 105 by Wednesday.
Perhaps 100 by next week? Realistic: yes.
♥♪♫♥
I did the same yesterday. I'm finally under 110. I'd better be around 105 by Wednesday.
Perhaps 100 by next week? Realistic: yes.
♥♪♫♥
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Not a Completely Abandoned Ship.
Okay, so I'm no longer a part of my family. My grandmother is all I have down here. I'm okay with it in ways. As long as I have things planned out. I went job hunting the other day. I hope the salon calls me about that receptionist position. So exciting. Can't keep my hopes up though.
I also found out that my Arthritis pays for cosmo school! So I can get a descent job when I move up and be able to afford my own place without worrying about a student loan! Happy about that. Only thing is, I'll have to get like a pittbull or great dane or something... That, and a roomie. No way will I be living by myself.
Let's see... Yup. That's what's going down. It's a start. Then I can go to Matrix academy in NYC and do extra workshops and build my way up to owning a salon. Woo! Can't wait to see what I'll be up to three years from now.
♥♪♫♥
I also found out that my Arthritis pays for cosmo school! So I can get a descent job when I move up and be able to afford my own place without worrying about a student loan! Happy about that. Only thing is, I'll have to get like a pittbull or great dane or something... That, and a roomie. No way will I be living by myself.
Let's see... Yup. That's what's going down. It's a start. Then I can go to Matrix academy in NYC and do extra workshops and build my way up to owning a salon. Woo! Can't wait to see what I'll be up to three years from now.
♥♪♫♥
Saturday, 13 February 2010
Out + Open.
I've decided to finally work on my memoir about my JRA experiences. I hope that when it's finally published people will be interested and it will make it on the shelves...
I would love to write a second book as well. I'll quest for interviews with victims in whom were diagnosed and make each chapter about a each person's experience. Quite an emotional adventure that will be. I wonder how many people I will be able to find. It's not the most common thing in the world.
I can start off with my friend Caiti. I was so happy to meet her while attending PCHS. I couldn't believe there was someone else like me sitting in the same room taking the same classes as me. I met her in journalism class. We ended up being in the same science class and we sat next to each other in Japanese II! I haven't talked to her in a while. I miss that cute 'n bubbly girl. =]
♥♪♫♥
I would love to write a second book as well. I'll quest for interviews with victims in whom were diagnosed and make each chapter about a each person's experience. Quite an emotional adventure that will be. I wonder how many people I will be able to find. It's not the most common thing in the world.
I can start off with my friend Caiti. I was so happy to meet her while attending PCHS. I couldn't believe there was someone else like me sitting in the same room taking the same classes as me. I met her in journalism class. We ended up being in the same science class and we sat next to each other in Japanese II! I haven't talked to her in a while. I miss that cute 'n bubbly girl. =]
♥♪♫♥
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Five Mile Adventure.
I finally went for a 5 mile walk today. First time in about a week now. Perfect breezy weather, the sky was beautiful.
I decided to take a different route today. I love seeing new things at new perspectives no matter where I may be located. I never backtrack or trace my steps. I'd much rather use my sense of direction and find a new more exciting route back to point A. I love just waltzing spontaneously. It really clears my mind of negative. I couldn't have done this today without listening to Coldplay's whole discography, and definately not without my best buddy Ollie.
I want to adopt him! I'm going to miss him when I move back to Jersey this year. I wish I could take him with me. That wouldn't be fair to Grandma or Knicki though. Knicki is Ollie's best buddy in his own species.
Anywho, I realize that these walks are what may be helping me beat arthritis. I'm really kicking its arse. It's been almost a month now since I've taken my meds. I didn't even really need them when I took the last dosage. I went from two shots a week. One of them 25mg and the other was 75mg. Triple dosage a week pretty much, to one-two doses every few weeks. I'm quite happy with how well I'm doing.
I'm attempting to take a more natural approach (once again). I've been drinking tea everyday and eating nothing but salads. Of course I'll cheat every now and then, but who doesn't? These fruity waffles my grandma just made are just sexquisite by the way!
Sexquisite Berry Waffles w/ Passion Flower Tea!
♥♪♫♥
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Overboard.
I awoke today at my dear friend's residence with the taste of stale menthe lingering on my tongue and salivating over a salad. It hasn't even been 24 hours since I've eaten a veggie, and I already feel as if I'm going to die from what I have consumed. I've devoured about 3 days worth of my fat and calories all in not even 12 hours. I ate four servings of Ramen (1200 calories right there), some cookie dough (don't wanna know), and two lender's bagels (EW. Not even worth it). I'd better attempt to run a good mile (even though I can barely run a quarter. How pathetic. It's worth passing out to burn all of this off).
I feel so weighed down. I don't understand how the dude went through with the Supersize Me documentary (he barely made it). Speaking of which, McDonald's stopped selling supersize of anything! That made me soooo happy! I guess that documentary worked. If only more people in the states would participate in something to help stop obesity. That guy is truly a hero. That American flag banana hammock he was wearing really stated who he was doing the documentary for.
♥♪♫♥
I feel so weighed down. I don't understand how the dude went through with the Supersize Me documentary (he barely made it). Speaking of which, McDonald's stopped selling supersize of anything! That made me soooo happy! I guess that documentary worked. If only more people in the states would participate in something to help stop obesity. That guy is truly a hero. That American flag banana hammock he was wearing really stated who he was doing the documentary for.
♥♪♫♥
Thursday, 4 February 2010
Cutting Technique I Just Used in Mum's Hair.
It's in Japanese. You don't have to listen. Just watch. =]
Scroll to about 4:20 and watch passed there.
That's the technique I used. Her hair has less weight and is much more managable now.
♥♪♫♥
Scroll to about 4:20 and watch passed there.
That's the technique I used. Her hair has less weight and is much more managable now.
♥♪♫♥
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
The Showers.
Johnisha called me last night. I was soo happy. She had the baby! I'm officially a godmother now. He was born on the 8th, but they didn't have a phone for a while. So that's why I just found out. I don't care though, I'm just happy Mr. Braden Jacob is finally out exploring the world! I hope I get to see them soon. Last I saw her was at the shower. She moved to West Virginia, but should hopefully be coming back with him soon. I sure hope so! :D
I can't believe I slept this late today. 2:45! That's reeeedonkulous. I took a shower that barely woke me up though. It made me awake just enough to write this blog. Perhaps I'll have some black tea with a biscotti. =]
♥♪♫♥
I can't believe I slept this late today. 2:45! That's reeeedonkulous. I took a shower that barely woke me up though. It made me awake just enough to write this blog. Perhaps I'll have some black tea with a biscotti. =]
♥♪♫♥
Monday, 1 February 2010
Melodies Royally Capsized.
Is it me, or has music been fucked royally? Whatever happened to nominations for best orchestral or best raggae performances? I didn't even bother wasting insufficient amounts of energy by running the TV last night for that shit. Not killing those polar bears over something that was once beautiful, completely murdered.
First off, Beyonce... Oh boy. She was great! ...Ten years ago when Destiny's Child was a group of four and her voice was somewhat drowned out by the other three. Long before she married Jay-Z. Where did he go? Oh that's right, he retired a 5th time and came back for attention. That act of yours is quite old Jay-Z, and that goes for you too Eminem. We know you guys suck and need to work a little harder for a year before your horrible attempts at releasing something new.
Secondly, Lady Gagawd Awful, she was epic before that false persona alter-ego bullshit. To me, she was co-captain of female inspiration music (for Regina Spektor clearly is the captain of that ship). Mainstream society had to take that position away by convincing her to turn into this psychotic being who thinks she can waltz into public with these hideous and disturbing beyond drag get-ups she calls outfits. She needs some serious rehab to get her old self back. Hmm, Amy Wino gave in for a while. She wasn't half as bad either. In fact, she was amazing. At least she admitted she had a minor problem when she wasn't half as much of a hot mess.
Nas hit it completely with his single "Hip-hop is Dead". Way to go Nas. Keep doing what you do, and don't ever change. You and Kelis both inspire me so much.
As for those damn Black Eyed Peas... How many people in in charge of the record label did they have to have sex with to get where they are? Honestly. They truly suck balls (...and everything else they had to suck to get to this point). ...Literally!
As for the Best Metal Performance, kudos to the failboats who managed to do something right! I'm not a fan of Judas Priest, but at least they have talent. End of story.
Not really the end yet, actually, for there is a bit more to cover. Just this conclusion really. I spent a bit of time comparing the winners during the past years. I realized it was the minute Lil Wayng put out was when it all got sucked into the abyss. Such a sad ending isn't it? Makes you want to cry.
♥♪♫♥
First off, Beyonce... Oh boy. She was great! ...Ten years ago when Destiny's Child was a group of four and her voice was somewhat drowned out by the other three. Long before she married Jay-Z. Where did he go? Oh that's right, he retired a 5th time and came back for attention. That act of yours is quite old Jay-Z, and that goes for you too Eminem. We know you guys suck and need to work a little harder for a year before your horrible attempts at releasing something new.
Secondly, Lady Gagawd Awful, she was epic before that false persona alter-ego bullshit. To me, she was co-captain of female inspiration music (for Regina Spektor clearly is the captain of that ship). Mainstream society had to take that position away by convincing her to turn into this psychotic being who thinks she can waltz into public with these hideous and disturbing beyond drag get-ups she calls outfits. She needs some serious rehab to get her old self back. Hmm, Amy Wino gave in for a while. She wasn't half as bad either. In fact, she was amazing. At least she admitted she had a minor problem when she wasn't half as much of a hot mess.
Nas hit it completely with his single "Hip-hop is Dead". Way to go Nas. Keep doing what you do, and don't ever change. You and Kelis both inspire me so much.
As for those damn Black Eyed Peas... How many people in in charge of the record label did they have to have sex with to get where they are? Honestly. They truly suck balls (...and everything else they had to suck to get to this point). ...Literally!
As for the Best Metal Performance, kudos to the failboats who managed to do something right! I'm not a fan of Judas Priest, but at least they have talent. End of story.
Not really the end yet, actually, for there is a bit more to cover. Just this conclusion really. I spent a bit of time comparing the winners during the past years. I realized it was the minute Lil Wayng put out was when it all got sucked into the abyss. Such a sad ending isn't it? Makes you want to cry.
♥♪♫♥
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Nostalgia on the Gulf.
Today was interesting. I did my usual thing. You know, danced, read a little, played some acoustic. Then I suddenly got a text from an "old friend" who had moved to Vegas and then came back not too long ago. That someone wanted to get the hair coloured and catch up on old things.
My ex boyfriend, Jason came to hang out today. I dyed his hair black and while the colour was developing, we played our acoustics and sang. I haven't seen this kid in about two years. He hasn't changed much at all to be honest. He's still his whitty and corny self.
After the colour was rinsed and his hair had the blow job (it was blowdried, silly goose) and all that fun stuff, we went to Englewood Beach. It was nice. The weather was just as I like it, windy and chilly. The clouds formed a dome with a space up above so you can still see the stars, and the ocean was a bit angry. Each wave crashed in louder and harder (that's what she said).
He layed down and I layed my head on his stomach. We observed a big party going on not too much further down the beach. They were playing their acoustics around a big fire they had built. I was jealous of course because I knew they were going to end up getting their crunk on and I wanted to join. Very rarely are there parties like that. Highly illegal.
To be honest, laying there, I didn't have any thoughts of him in "that way" at all. I just kept looking out at the horizon wishing there would be a schooner infront of me so I can hop on and sail my way south.
We were talking about feeling isolated. We both were in agreement that being stuck here is like being locked in a prison. There are no opportunities here, nothing to do, no nightlife. Nothing. This place just lays lifeless.
He wants to tour, and I want to sail and do everything as I've planned. What sucks about having several months to a year to think and plan things out, is you tend overthink things. I just hope my life will go as planned. As for it being spontaneous, I just hope it's a positive spontaneous and not a horrific downfall.
Whatever. Anywho, I'm really happy I got to see his spiffy ass and I'm glad we see each other on a friendship level and not "the other way", because I honestly only want one person. I don't plan on having an interest in anyone else. There isn't anyone out there for me who I need other than who I've found, and it's worth the wait. Not only that, but Jason's been with the same girl for two years. I don't want to ruin that.
♥♪♫♥
My ex boyfriend, Jason came to hang out today. I dyed his hair black and while the colour was developing, we played our acoustics and sang. I haven't seen this kid in about two years. He hasn't changed much at all to be honest. He's still his whitty and corny self.
After the colour was rinsed and his hair had the blow job (it was blowdried, silly goose) and all that fun stuff, we went to Englewood Beach. It was nice. The weather was just as I like it, windy and chilly. The clouds formed a dome with a space up above so you can still see the stars, and the ocean was a bit angry. Each wave crashed in louder and harder (that's what she said).
He layed down and I layed my head on his stomach. We observed a big party going on not too much further down the beach. They were playing their acoustics around a big fire they had built. I was jealous of course because I knew they were going to end up getting their crunk on and I wanted to join. Very rarely are there parties like that. Highly illegal.
To be honest, laying there, I didn't have any thoughts of him in "that way" at all. I just kept looking out at the horizon wishing there would be a schooner infront of me so I can hop on and sail my way south.
We were talking about feeling isolated. We both were in agreement that being stuck here is like being locked in a prison. There are no opportunities here, nothing to do, no nightlife. Nothing. This place just lays lifeless.
He wants to tour, and I want to sail and do everything as I've planned. What sucks about having several months to a year to think and plan things out, is you tend overthink things. I just hope my life will go as planned. As for it being spontaneous, I just hope it's a positive spontaneous and not a horrific downfall.
Whatever. Anywho, I'm really happy I got to see his spiffy ass and I'm glad we see each other on a friendship level and not "the other way", because I honestly only want one person. I don't plan on having an interest in anyone else. There isn't anyone out there for me who I need other than who I've found, and it's worth the wait. Not only that, but Jason's been with the same girl for two years. I don't want to ruin that.
♥♪♫♥
Saturday, 30 January 2010
This Year's Soundtrack.
I've come up with a playlist in which fits the year, and they all seem to fit the way things are going perfectly. Each one has lyrics in which truly describe my life's events and my emotions/opinions on things. No particular order really. Oh, and no sailor puns today.
1) Manchester Orchestra - I've Got Friends
2) Something Corporate - Konstantine (This makes me tear up lately. Reminds me of someone...)
3) Stefani Germanotta - I Wish You Were Here
4) Jack's Mannequin - Bruised
5) Regina Spektor - Genius Next Door | Laughing With
6) The Early November - Ever so Sweet (Of course I had to put this...)
7) Head Automatica - Nowhere Fast
8) Mayday Parade - The Last Something That Meant Anything (Same reason as Konstantine...)
9) Imogen Heap - Headlock
10) Anthony Green - Drug Dealer
11) Say Anything - A Walk Through Hell
12) Daphne Loves Derby - Sun (Acoustic)
13) Brand New - Soco Amaretto Lime
14) Ben Folds Five - All You Can Eat (This one really gets the word out and sums up all my greed/fatty rants! LOL)
15) Coldplay - The Scientist | In My Place
16) Tiësto - In The Dark
17) Cute is What We Aim For - I Don't Care if it's The Moon
18) The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
19) Emily Wells - Whiskey + Rags
20) Taking Back Sunday - MakeDamnSure
21) Senses Fail - Four Years | Fireworks at Dawn
22) Saves The Day - At Your Funeral
I'm sure there's plenty more, but I just put the basics. I need to go to bed, and dream about my next poem I want to post. Goodnight. ;]
♥♪♫♥
To Get Jobo Back in This World.
I hate having to speak of such sad topics, however, Jordan Radish was my best friend, as well as someone I looked up to. I feel the need to write about him in respect.
I keep having dreams about him being here. Then I wake up ridiculously sad, and it leaves me emotional the majority of the morning (or dare I say mourning because that's what all of us have been doing for the past month and a half). I dreamt of him being back here for one last week before his passing. I dreamt of all of us making the best of it. He didn't know he was going in the dream, but we all did. I remember being my usual spastic self slipping about it in conversation, which left him baffled about what had come out of my mouth. Luckily, I remember it was blown off ten seconds later. All of his friends were there. We were all giving him the best week ever. I can't quite remember the whole dream verbatim, of course, but it was nice.
I hated the part of awakening from it all. I hated getting back into reality knowing he's not here to his give his enthusiastic little chemistry lectures and to speak some Japanese with me. I miss listening to classical, and the acoustic bands we used to listen to together. My iPod made me so sad for a while because half the stuff on it reminded me of him. Yet I felt the need to listen to it all intentionally.
I wish life could be like Alice in Wonderland. Just as she can take that bite to make her grow, I would love to eat a magical piece of Ethiopian cuisine (one of his favourites) and he would magically come back. I wish it could be just as the flute is played and that snake dances out of the basket, a magical oboe can be played to make him magically waltz into the room. I would do anything to get my best friend back.
Well, I'm going to make this shorter and more simple than some posts. For we can all write a series of such awesome things about Jobo. He was just that great of a person, and would've been someone spectacular. Rest in Peace buddy.
♥♪♫♥
Thursday, 28 January 2010
The Epic Journey Across The Sea.
Sooo. I had a really awesome convo... ehh... I guess you can say super early this morning? We'll, it was sometime between when Mr. Moon was sprinkling really pretty glittery things on the water and Mr. Obnoxious Orange Skittle was popping up over the horizon to kill it with his lazer vision. Let's just count it as last night. Anyway, on to the point on the treasure map (hehe yet another sailor metaphor! Yeeah! Scoaarrr!). So there's this list right? This list I've had in my mind and had even written parts of down before. It's a special list of how I want the other to be. I'm not typing my long ass essay of shallow as a shore expectations, but I will say it's a LONG list. Def having nothing to do with the last name "Long" of course. That "Mr. Long" just had the last name, but wasn't "Mr. Long List Live-up-to-er".
(...now I'm rambling...oh barnacles. LOL.)
About this novel of who I want someone to be. They had to be completely perfect. I mean, I thought I wouldn't find them because I was sooo shallow. So I was just going to have no choice but to unfortunately settle for something a bit lower (ew).
Shore enough, one day I was on this group page called "Everyone STFU! My Parents Are Calling!" or some tonfoolery like that. I was scrolling through the comments to see if anyone had an answer as clever as mine, and I came across this one kid. I was like aww I ♥ his beanie and his glasses. Just adorable, and seems like he would be pretty nice. So I was like, eh, add.
Shore enough, one day I was on this group page called "Everyone STFU! My Parents Are Calling!" or some tonfoolery like that. I was scrolling through the comments to see if anyone had an answer as clever as mine, and I came across this one kid. I was like aww I ♥ his beanie and his glasses. Just adorable, and seems like he would be pretty nice. So I was like, eh, add.
I didn't expect him to actually talk to me. So I replied to his wall post, "Hello new friend!" or some shit like that. We had a small convo there. That's where I found out he's in Brazil. (Mind you I've always had a HUGE thing for that type, so that was a plus. ;D) He IMed me after a while and we started talking about what we had in common. Pretty much clicked right away. Typing the same exact things back and forth, etc, etc, etc.
Everything he was mentioning about himself was on my list of things pretty much. I was like, is this kid for real? He's reading my mind. WTF. Such a trip. I got so excited. Crazy things that I don't generally tell people about myself, he was mentioning about himself. I was like wooahhh no way! Me so happy. ;D
So we went on cam after not even a week or so of daily convos. OMG his smile is amazing. I can't even put it into words. See that's what draws me to people. They have to have a perfect smile. Hell, Victoria's hawt and all, but I don't want a Posh Spice who never smiles. So if they do, it has to be perfect.
I also find it hawt that he wants to be multi-lingual just as I do. It's reeeeally cute when he speaks Portugese.
Well umm...
...Let's just say I can rave about him all day.
I want to go on a super epic pirate adventure to find him, and take him back to my port! (Arr? lol) I know we'll meet someday, and I hope he'll eventually be my Captain to venture the world with foreverrr.
P.S. It's not Andrew McMahon (as mentioned in the previous post)... This one is even better! XD
♥♪♫♥
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
...And You Tell Me That It's Over!
You wake up lying in a patch
of four leaf clovers!
Andrew McMahon is my dream man! ♥
Mhmm gurl I done went dere!
♥♪♫♥
of four leaf clovers!
Andrew McMahon is my dream man! ♥
Mhmm gurl I done went dere!
♥♪♫♥
Dear Haiti.
So much for the strike. I have failed you.
Looks like it takes more than will power.
I wish I had more to mail you.
Sitting here in luxury; Feeling guilty.
That little boy went 8 days.
He came out of that debree so filthy.
So shocking how he survived.
Luckily people saved him; Attatched that feeding tube;
But unfortunately, both his parents had died.
So devastating and tragic how he's not the only one.
Others suffered much worse; Laying in a near death waiting room.
With that huge lack of medical equipment to run.
I'm sending across the sea,
My best regards in a bottle.
Signed Sailboat Sincerely.
♥♪♫♥
Looks like it takes more than will power.
I wish I had more to mail you.
Sitting here in luxury; Feeling guilty.
That little boy went 8 days.
He came out of that debree so filthy.
So shocking how he survived.
Luckily people saved him; Attatched that feeding tube;
But unfortunately, both his parents had died.
So devastating and tragic how he's not the only one.
Others suffered much worse; Laying in a near death waiting room.
With that huge lack of medical equipment to run.
I'm sending across the sea,
My best regards in a bottle.
Signed Sailboat Sincerely.
♥♪♫♥
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
On the Verge of Shore Happiness.
I'm pretty sure the genesis of my life's adventures won't happen until I flee from this shitty state of Florida. It's hell, and there's nothing genuine about it. There is nothing here for me. I need to port my Sailboat arse in Jersey.My whole life is there:
♪ Cosmo School;
♪ Acting School;
♫ Two Different Top of the Line Dance Academies (Broadway, + King Centre);
♫♪ Music Schools Out The Arse (For Any Genre);
...the list goes on.
(...not to mention all those badass liberal hippies to party with! Yess!)♪ Cosmo School;
♪ Acting School;
♫ Two Different Top of the Line Dance Academies (Broadway, + King Centre);
♫♪ Music Schools Out The Arse (For Any Genre);
...the list goes on.
Soo many possibilities for me. I know I'll make it. Funny how I take discouragement as reverse psychology and it makes me twice as determined. It's as if the ones who don't give me encouragement want me to succeed and prove them wrong. Well guess what, I will.
There is so much I want to do with my life that I'm confused. One minute I want to own an upscale salon with a mini-cafe; Next minute I want to be a diplomat; However, to be honest, I really want to live in each country for a few months at a time. I want to see the whole world in every angle, view, perspective possible before I die. Life is way to short to waste sitting here accomplishing absolutely nothing. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage. I've been so irritable. Can someone please get me the key to this padlock and set me free from this prison cell of a state? That would be super duper awesome. I will love you forever.
Doumo! Grassy ass! Salamat! Shei shi! Thankies!
♥♪♫♥
Monday, 25 January 2010
Quoth Aristotle: "A Friend Is A Second Self.".
To float along the sea
or to be afloat in mid-air
Adventures are much more fun
if you are there!
With a smile to die for
With your persona so unique
Someone with a way with words
Someone I have to meet!
Hooray for the perfect captain
...but he's way across the sea
Hooray for the adventure to find you, Cap'n!
It'll be as epic as in the movies!
A sign for shore
I will remember
That night of conversation
Both at once mentioned The Early November!
Like an appletini
You're Ever So Sweet.
Why must you be in another hemisphere,
When you should be here sharing my seat?
I'm quite determined
There's nothing I wouldn't love most
Than to venture the world
With my best friend Marcos!
♥♪♫♥
or to be afloat in mid-air
Adventures are much more fun
if you are there!
With a smile to die for
With your persona so unique
Someone with a way with words
Someone I have to meet!
Hooray for the perfect captain
...but he's way across the sea
Hooray for the adventure to find you, Cap'n!
It'll be as epic as in the movies!
A sign for shore
I will remember
That night of conversation
Both at once mentioned The Early November!
Like an appletini
You're Ever So Sweet.
Why must you be in another hemisphere,
When you should be here sharing my seat?
I'm quite determined
There's nothing I wouldn't love most
Than to venture the world
With my best friend Marcos!
♥♪♫♥
The Strike.
It's day one.
Walked six miles for occupation.
My stomach cramped a bit.
The dog gave me motivation.
My jacket is black velour.
My top is red.
Was going to wear green velour.
I decided to wear this isntead.
Yeah this is what I'm doing.
Really no one's business.
I can do what I want.Just pretend you didn't notice.
It's for the perfect cause.
In the end, that is all that will matter.
Many reasons for this activity.
In the end, you'll have an urge to flatter.
♥♪♫♥
Sunday, 24 January 2010
That Bowl of Deluted Rice: A Killing Fields Book Review.
I have not read too much of this yet, however I can say that what I've read so far has been mind blowing. I know this book will be tear jerking. It's so pathetic how civilians of Cambodia were treated.
In 1975-1979, Cambodia was becoming over ruled by Khmer Rouge. They had executed over 200,000 people. That's a small number compared to the amount deaths caused by disease and starvation which is over 1.5 million out of the entire population of approximately 7 million people.
The Khmer Rouge regime would abduct children and transport them to orphanages and kill their parents/guardians. Once the children were adopted by their new families, they were forced to believe that their adopted families were their biological, and it was against the law to miss their old families. If any of the children gave any signs of that feeling, he/she would be executed.
The ones who weren't adopted were sent to these working grounds where they were forced to work 14+ hour days, and all they had to eat was a bowl of watered down rice after their hard work.
As for now, that's about the only description I can give until I read more. I will be posting much more about this. After reading that little bit of this book, I can honestly say that I just can't believe the amount of ignorance and greed I've witnessed in people. It truly sickens me. It makes me want to eat nothing but a bowl of deluted rice everyday for a couple weeks to see how it feels. Honestly, I know I can do that, because I appreciate having something to consume to keep me alive, no matter what it is. As long as I can survive.
I would love to take every fat pig I see stuffing their faces in buffets and put them through the anguish that the unadopted went through. Would they take a second look? Perhaps they would stop and think before sitting on their lazy asses devouring that unneeded "all you can eat pancake special" at IHOP or half pounder at Ruby Tuesday's? Disgusting, selfish bastards.
Well, I don't want to end up turning this book review into a giant fatty rant. So I'll stop here. Stay tuned for more about this...
♥♪♫♥
Ahoy.
Sailutations! I've decided to raise the mast of a more meaningful blog, for my other one was shorely not the most meaningful. I love to write poetry, book reviews, and most of all, I love to ramble about adventures in which I fantasize about traveling schooner or later in my lifetime. No one in person wants to listen, but they always seem to enjoy reading about them... Which is quite interesting to me. Oh well. I guess we shall now depart. =]
♥♪♫♥
♥♪♫♥
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