So Adam mentioned something about how girls he met were playing "Marco Polo alone in the Atlantic". I thought that was a pretty awesome line because ironically I've just been playing "Marcos" Polo alone in the Atlantic. Can't wait until July. I hope this actually happens.
I don't care if it's a couple months or a couple years. I want to live happily ever after. What does "happily ever after" feel like anyway? There has to be purpose for living. I believe life is just full of irony. Life is ironic. Period. So many hidden messages found in everything. Whether it's in a bottle floating off to bumfuck-egypt, or just metaphorically playing hide and seek to mess with you. The feeling of relief when a strong prediction is made is one of the most interesting feelings ever. You just can't tell nor can it be described. It's so intriguing the way irony seems to tie everything together so perfectly.
Everything happens for a reason. Is that so? I believe it. May I mention about these hidden messages once again? How is it that I predicted something so serious early last year, and it happened in December? I tried so hard not to believe it. "No, that's terrible. Don't predict something like that!" Sure enough, it happened. How strange yet tragic. I've learned to trust gut feelings and not ignore them whether negative or positive.
So I don't think I want to go on anymore, because I don't want peope to think I'm completely psychotic. Plus, I'm running on sleep deprevation since yesterday. Though I realize I'm much more creative when deprived of sleep as well as any other deprivation of something. Ceibacy from something is just a positive term of deprivation to me. Think about it.
♥♪♫♥
Tuesday 4 May 2010
Sunday 25 April 2010
The Controversial Current: Article #1 - Stimulants.
I was just watching 60 Minutes, and the previous story was about perscription drugs meant for ADD/ADHD patients such as Adderal (Amphetamine/Stimulant) or Ritalin/Concerta (Methylphenidate/CNS Stimulant). I've been meaning to write about these for a while, and they are fun to debate about.
They do help calm down the people who really are diagnosed with ADHD. Even so, a shot or two of espresso is still equivalent and it is all natural and is much more beneficial than a dose of harsh chemicals.
Sure, they help you become more alert due to dopamine enhancement, however, your dopamine receptors over time will go on overload thus causing mild cases of schitzophrenia. Pretty euphoric and spectacular experience, right? Not really. It sucked. I'll tell you from experience. Just don't do it.
I don't understand the concept of taking them to cram for a test, to force interest in something, or to stay up all night in general. First off, you forget everything you had reasearched once you come down; Secondly, you can't just force interest in something by harming both yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally due to anxiety caused by these stimuli; As for the sleep, don't be retarded. You need it to be able to concentrate. Common sense would tell you that. If anything, take some natural melatonin or drink some earl grey tea to promote a better night's sleep in which your brain is craving.
Why do people give their children these? Parents are getting lazier and lazier and it's uncalled for. It's called proper discipline. Why do you think 12 year olds are whoring themselves out these days? Parents are too damn lazy to teach them morals and think "well, they have ADD/ADHD", then give them a pill and think,"okay, problem solved. They'll behave now".
I believe most of these "disorders" are made up by the government so they can make money off their shitty perscriptions because they don't want marijuana or other street drugs to be legal. To be quite frank, the ADD/ADHD stimulant drugs are equivalent to shitty low grade coke. Sure, go ahead and give your kid cocaine! That's REAL smart. GREAT parenting!
My experience with Concerta:
I went to the Charlotte County Behavioral Center to speak with the therapist there to help me with the same old average stress of high school. She had sent me to a doctor next door to her office for full diagnosis. They first perscribed me Sertaline (Zoloft), an anti-depressant in which boosts your serotonin level thus making you happy. However, when you first start taking them you feel like a zombie due to your brain adjusting to such a boost of a certain chemical. It can take several weeks to adjust to them, therefore causing dependency.
I couldn't handle them for even a day. I went back in for another diagnosis because I knew I wasn't "depressed". I told them that. I clearly stated I was "anxious". My anxiety was causing me to lose concentration which is completely normal. They still felt the need to perscribe me something because it was a psychiatry office and not a psychology. So they gave me a script for Concerta. To start off with, take a 18mg dosage.
Though what the retards didn't realize was stimulants and anxiety don't mix well. Not only that, they wanted me to stay on the Zoloft which interacts differently with Concerta which isn't a very good mixture. Seratonin + Dopamine + Negative (Other Chemicals) = Horrible Reaction. So I was smart enough not to take the Zoloft.
I took one the next day and felt as if I could rule the world. It's basically low grade cocaine in pill form. You feel great when you first do it, and you slowly go downhill. Anyway, I felt so productive. My house was spotless, I read a lot, and I was up until the next day doing all sorts of productive things from making clothes to reorganizing my whole closet, you name it.
I loved being on this because I didn't have to down shots of espresso. Just pop a pill and poof you've had a whole gallon of coffee. I couldn't wait to get my next script. Even my friends at the time were taking them with me and we would go on all sorts of adventures.
My next visit to the office was interesting. I didn't even want to mention my problems. I just wanted to have an intellectual conversation with the therapist about psychology because it's of interest and my parents can't comprehend anything I say ever. They decided to give me the next script which was a triple dosage in one pill (54mg).
Those were even better. Soon I was reading books about intellect, philosphy, and of course still reading psychology but twice as much as usual. I remember I had taken the 54mg one morning and then an 18mg later that day. It was the day I had gone to the "Take Action Tour '09" to interview both Breathe Carolina and Every Avenue's latest basist. I was so dehydrated that a bottle of water felt like a sip, and I had a lot of trouble breathing. It was so embarassing because I ended up losing my voice during the interviews. Way to screw up the launch of your new media site, Allie Failboat. What was even stupider is I ended up getting a mocha latte at a cafe down the street. Super stimuli! That's what stimulants do. You just can't get enough.
My group of friends at the time attended with me. We ended up staying the night at a friend of a friend's house. Ironically, he was in college studying psychology. So I stayed up all night reading about 300 pages of his Carl Rogers book. They all woke up the next morning with a look on their faces stating "Why the hell is she still up reading that?". (By the way, once I came down later on, I forgot everything I had read.)
I had no apetite. They had offered me muffins, but looking at them made me want to throw up. I hadn't eaten anything the day before that either. I ended up throwing up pure stomach acid when I got home that day. I ended up not being able to sleep that night either. I threw up the next morning right before I had gone back to school as well. I ended up not eating that day either. That night, I ended up seeing things flying around the room and coming at me as well as things crawling on me. I was flipping out. I remember calling my friend at about 2AM but of course he just wanted sleep.
Those symptoms were the first signs of schitzophrenia caused by dopamine overload. Once you come off of the pills, it may take a couple years for the receptors to even out again. My anxiety hasn't been the same since. I can't even drink coffee without feeling as if I'm going to jump out of my skin. Worst feeling ever. You know that feeling you get when you're super worried and nervous? Well that's just a mild feeling when you have an anxiety attack. I've been feeling that all the time ever since they perscribed this to me. The feeling is on and off and there is no controlling it. If you just ignore it, and flow with it, it will go away. It's just like an ocean current, don't fight it or you'll drown. Well in this case, don't fight it or it will lead to a severe panic attack in which leads to vertigo which is the worst thing ever. I honestly would rather experience my worst Arthritis flare up than that. I literally felt as if I was about to drop dead.
I've still been getting symptoms lately. If something slightely startles me, I start shaking a bit. not as bad as they used to be. If I were to be slightly startled, I would start freaking out and crying. It was horrible.
So this is why you don't do stimulants. ...or any perscription drug at that. Natural medicine is the way to go!
♥♪♫♥
They do help calm down the people who really are diagnosed with ADHD. Even so, a shot or two of espresso is still equivalent and it is all natural and is much more beneficial than a dose of harsh chemicals.
Sure, they help you become more alert due to dopamine enhancement, however, your dopamine receptors over time will go on overload thus causing mild cases of schitzophrenia. Pretty euphoric and spectacular experience, right? Not really. It sucked. I'll tell you from experience. Just don't do it.
I don't understand the concept of taking them to cram for a test, to force interest in something, or to stay up all night in general. First off, you forget everything you had reasearched once you come down; Secondly, you can't just force interest in something by harming both yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally due to anxiety caused by these stimuli; As for the sleep, don't be retarded. You need it to be able to concentrate. Common sense would tell you that. If anything, take some natural melatonin or drink some earl grey tea to promote a better night's sleep in which your brain is craving.
Why do people give their children these? Parents are getting lazier and lazier and it's uncalled for. It's called proper discipline. Why do you think 12 year olds are whoring themselves out these days? Parents are too damn lazy to teach them morals and think "well, they have ADD/ADHD", then give them a pill and think,"okay, problem solved. They'll behave now".
I believe most of these "disorders" are made up by the government so they can make money off their shitty perscriptions because they don't want marijuana or other street drugs to be legal. To be quite frank, the ADD/ADHD stimulant drugs are equivalent to shitty low grade coke. Sure, go ahead and give your kid cocaine! That's REAL smart. GREAT parenting!
My experience with Concerta:
I went to the Charlotte County Behavioral Center to speak with the therapist there to help me with the same old average stress of high school. She had sent me to a doctor next door to her office for full diagnosis. They first perscribed me Sertaline (Zoloft), an anti-depressant in which boosts your serotonin level thus making you happy. However, when you first start taking them you feel like a zombie due to your brain adjusting to such a boost of a certain chemical. It can take several weeks to adjust to them, therefore causing dependency.
I couldn't handle them for even a day. I went back in for another diagnosis because I knew I wasn't "depressed". I told them that. I clearly stated I was "anxious". My anxiety was causing me to lose concentration which is completely normal. They still felt the need to perscribe me something because it was a psychiatry office and not a psychology. So they gave me a script for Concerta. To start off with, take a 18mg dosage.
Though what the retards didn't realize was stimulants and anxiety don't mix well. Not only that, they wanted me to stay on the Zoloft which interacts differently with Concerta which isn't a very good mixture. Seratonin + Dopamine + Negative (Other Chemicals) = Horrible Reaction. So I was smart enough not to take the Zoloft.
I took one the next day and felt as if I could rule the world. It's basically low grade cocaine in pill form. You feel great when you first do it, and you slowly go downhill. Anyway, I felt so productive. My house was spotless, I read a lot, and I was up until the next day doing all sorts of productive things from making clothes to reorganizing my whole closet, you name it.
I loved being on this because I didn't have to down shots of espresso. Just pop a pill and poof you've had a whole gallon of coffee. I couldn't wait to get my next script. Even my friends at the time were taking them with me and we would go on all sorts of adventures.
My next visit to the office was interesting. I didn't even want to mention my problems. I just wanted to have an intellectual conversation with the therapist about psychology because it's of interest and my parents can't comprehend anything I say ever. They decided to give me the next script which was a triple dosage in one pill (54mg).
Those were even better. Soon I was reading books about intellect, philosphy, and of course still reading psychology but twice as much as usual. I remember I had taken the 54mg one morning and then an 18mg later that day. It was the day I had gone to the "Take Action Tour '09" to interview both Breathe Carolina and Every Avenue's latest basist. I was so dehydrated that a bottle of water felt like a sip, and I had a lot of trouble breathing. It was so embarassing because I ended up losing my voice during the interviews. Way to screw up the launch of your new media site, Allie Failboat. What was even stupider is I ended up getting a mocha latte at a cafe down the street. Super stimuli! That's what stimulants do. You just can't get enough.
My group of friends at the time attended with me. We ended up staying the night at a friend of a friend's house. Ironically, he was in college studying psychology. So I stayed up all night reading about 300 pages of his Carl Rogers book. They all woke up the next morning with a look on their faces stating "Why the hell is she still up reading that?". (By the way, once I came down later on, I forgot everything I had read.)
I had no apetite. They had offered me muffins, but looking at them made me want to throw up. I hadn't eaten anything the day before that either. I ended up throwing up pure stomach acid when I got home that day. I ended up not being able to sleep that night either. I threw up the next morning right before I had gone back to school as well. I ended up not eating that day either. That night, I ended up seeing things flying around the room and coming at me as well as things crawling on me. I was flipping out. I remember calling my friend at about 2AM but of course he just wanted sleep.
Those symptoms were the first signs of schitzophrenia caused by dopamine overload. Once you come off of the pills, it may take a couple years for the receptors to even out again. My anxiety hasn't been the same since. I can't even drink coffee without feeling as if I'm going to jump out of my skin. Worst feeling ever. You know that feeling you get when you're super worried and nervous? Well that's just a mild feeling when you have an anxiety attack. I've been feeling that all the time ever since they perscribed this to me. The feeling is on and off and there is no controlling it. If you just ignore it, and flow with it, it will go away. It's just like an ocean current, don't fight it or you'll drown. Well in this case, don't fight it or it will lead to a severe panic attack in which leads to vertigo which is the worst thing ever. I honestly would rather experience my worst Arthritis flare up than that. I literally felt as if I was about to drop dead.
I've still been getting symptoms lately. If something slightely startles me, I start shaking a bit. not as bad as they used to be. If I were to be slightly startled, I would start freaking out and crying. It was horrible.
So this is why you don't do stimulants. ...or any perscription drug at that. Natural medicine is the way to go!
♥♪♫♥
Thursday 22 April 2010
Booty.
Tuli be feelin up his wood at the thought of Franny! ♥
Tell me they wouldn't be perfect? Yeah, you know so.
♥♪♫♥
In Hopes to Sail to Brazil.
So I have this really awesome friend in Jersey named Francisco "Franny" Muñoz, right? Well I'm hooking him up with my really hawt friend Tulio in Brazil. Funny how there is this other super duper perfect gorgeous man there named Marcos who I've blogged about before. So Franny and I wanna go on an epic adventure to Brazil and leave there with our perfect others together, and live happily ever after! That's why we were meant to be besties, and all of this is def meant to happen! ;D
Oh yeah, I'm yet to write more poetry. I just haven't been too inspired or creative lately. I need inspiration. =[
♥♪♫♥
Oh yeah, I'm yet to write more poetry. I just haven't been too inspired or creative lately. I need inspiration. =[
♥♪♫♥
Sunday 11 April 2010
Jersey: Almost Home Port.
I arrived at the grandparents Friday afternoon with my boxes and we hugged and brought them upstairs to my guest room. I'm planning on staying there for about a month or so or until my parents move up. I'm only going to live with my parents until I find a place with Fran and Adam. I'm going to find a job the minute I move there so I can save for a place and move in hopefully by August. Sounds realisitic, right?
As for the cosmo school... Second thoughts. I'm going, but don't know exactly when. Money is top priority for me right now, and I can always go to school whenever I'm ready. It's free. It's worth consulting the school while I'm up here now though and enrolling so that it is there for me.
I stayed at my aunt Lauren or "Bubba" and Amy's house last night and that's who I talked to about this. I love being able to get advice from her because she's successful. I had a lot of fun at her house. We went to a "post-pwnd" St. Patrick's Day Parade and I met up with her neighbor, Bob, and his Chinese adopted niece. Cutest thing in the world. Made me want to adopt even more. Got mushy looking at her and talking to her. Such a smart kid.
After the parade, Bubba and Amy and I stopped back at the house for a bit then went back downtown to Century 21 and shopped there. She bought me two really cute dresses there. One was navy with anchors all over it! The other was kinda "sea"-through (Allie's happy enough to start using sailor puns again!) with black and white stripes all down it. Tight yet flowy. Adorable. Then we went to the town over to feed her friend's cats and then went to a couple other stores. I bought a super cute pair of white stilettoes there. We managed to get everything done in the town over in about a half hour since we had to be bcak at a certain time to take care of her neighbor's dog! Yeah, we're good.
After that, Bob came over with his weird drunk friend. He kept telling me I'm beautiful which made things really scary and awkward. He kept staring at me drinking my drink when we were all out back seated at the black iron table. I couldn't even sip my drink anymore because he was just soo creepy and I felt soo violated! So I covered my face with the fur lining of my green plaid trench coat and awkwardly waltzed into the house.
Finally, they had left, and as we walked out of the house to go to a roller derby, Bubba locked the front door (which she never does). That's how bad of a vibe we got from him.
Roller derby was soo fun! The names of these girls were so amusing. One was named "Assault Shaker", another was "Felter Snatch", and another one was "Curry Plowdher". I've always wanted to be in a roller derby league, but I was always afraid it would interfere with ballet. Plus, you have to be 18 for insurance purposes. When I move up, I'm totally joining. I came up with the title "Assassin Titties" for myself. I think it fits. Then I can have a theme song for myself. Wait, two! One by DJ Assault and the other by Three 6 Mafia. <3
We had to leave early because Amy ended up having to go to her aunt's down the shore and when she got home, the house was locked and she couldn't get in. We told her why it was locked and she was like "Really?" (usual expression you get from people, ya know...).
We went out back and they made a fire. We talked about what I plan on doing with my life when I move up here. Very interesting, but kinda scary at the same time. I mean, once I move here, my life will change dramatically. Everything, I mean everything, will be completely different. Lots of pros and cons to weigh out there. More pros but pros can have some cons in them as well... but let's be optimistic. At least I'm moving there for a more responsible change, and I'm not being forces somewhere to be enslaved. I made this choice, so I must live with it. Yeah the first few weeks will feel weird, but after i get use to things and I have money, things will be great. =]
I'm looking forward to all of this, but I'm glad I have one last month down there to spend with a couple people. Can't wait to see how things will end up late summer. Hope everything works out.
♥♪♫♥
As for the cosmo school... Second thoughts. I'm going, but don't know exactly when. Money is top priority for me right now, and I can always go to school whenever I'm ready. It's free. It's worth consulting the school while I'm up here now though and enrolling so that it is there for me.
I stayed at my aunt Lauren or "Bubba" and Amy's house last night and that's who I talked to about this. I love being able to get advice from her because she's successful. I had a lot of fun at her house. We went to a "post-pwnd" St. Patrick's Day Parade and I met up with her neighbor, Bob, and his Chinese adopted niece. Cutest thing in the world. Made me want to adopt even more. Got mushy looking at her and talking to her. Such a smart kid.
After the parade, Bubba and Amy and I stopped back at the house for a bit then went back downtown to Century 21 and shopped there. She bought me two really cute dresses there. One was navy with anchors all over it! The other was kinda "sea"-through (Allie's happy enough to start using sailor puns again!) with black and white stripes all down it. Tight yet flowy. Adorable. Then we went to the town over to feed her friend's cats and then went to a couple other stores. I bought a super cute pair of white stilettoes there. We managed to get everything done in the town over in about a half hour since we had to be bcak at a certain time to take care of her neighbor's dog! Yeah, we're good.
After that, Bob came over with his weird drunk friend. He kept telling me I'm beautiful which made things really scary and awkward. He kept staring at me drinking my drink when we were all out back seated at the black iron table. I couldn't even sip my drink anymore because he was just soo creepy and I felt soo violated! So I covered my face with the fur lining of my green plaid trench coat and awkwardly waltzed into the house.
Finally, they had left, and as we walked out of the house to go to a roller derby, Bubba locked the front door (which she never does). That's how bad of a vibe we got from him.
Roller derby was soo fun! The names of these girls were so amusing. One was named "Assault Shaker", another was "Felter Snatch", and another one was "Curry Plowdher". I've always wanted to be in a roller derby league, but I was always afraid it would interfere with ballet. Plus, you have to be 18 for insurance purposes. When I move up, I'm totally joining. I came up with the title "Assassin Titties" for myself. I think it fits. Then I can have a theme song for myself. Wait, two! One by DJ Assault and the other by Three 6 Mafia. <3
We had to leave early because Amy ended up having to go to her aunt's down the shore and when she got home, the house was locked and she couldn't get in. We told her why it was locked and she was like "Really?" (usual expression you get from people, ya know...).
We went out back and they made a fire. We talked about what I plan on doing with my life when I move up here. Very interesting, but kinda scary at the same time. I mean, once I move here, my life will change dramatically. Everything, I mean everything, will be completely different. Lots of pros and cons to weigh out there. More pros but pros can have some cons in them as well... but let's be optimistic. At least I'm moving there for a more responsible change, and I'm not being forces somewhere to be enslaved. I made this choice, so I must live with it. Yeah the first few weeks will feel weird, but after i get use to things and I have money, things will be great. =]
I'm looking forward to all of this, but I'm glad I have one last month down there to spend with a couple people. Can't wait to see how things will end up late summer. Hope everything works out.
♥♪♫♥
Wednesday 7 April 2010
The Second to Last Depart.
About two more hours! I leave for Jersey! Moving the stuff up, and the move is final! It's just a week long visit with the family to establish everything. Then, I come back down to Florida for one last month with the family and few friends I have down here, and celebrate my 18th, and then fly up a few days after.
I'm soo excited. I can't wait to see my cousin, and my friend Fabulous Franny! We're going to have soo much fun together.
Incase you're wondering why I'm up, I have a neurologist appointment for my vertigo today in St. Petersburg. They want me to be sleep deprived. Yeah... no sleep allowed for me. Not a problem really. Anxiety never allows me to sleep anyway. -___-
However, I did just get the custest message ever from a really good friend of mine named Adam. Best friend anyone could ask for. It said, "Heyy I hope you have a safe trip up north and please eat some NJ pizza for me and also have fun <3".
I'm going to miss Adam when I move even though I hardly see him. I hope he moves up this Summer! That would be sooo fluffin cool. <3
♥♪♫♥
I'm soo excited. I can't wait to see my cousin, and my friend Fabulous Franny! We're going to have soo much fun together.
Incase you're wondering why I'm up, I have a neurologist appointment for my vertigo today in St. Petersburg. They want me to be sleep deprived. Yeah... no sleep allowed for me. Not a problem really. Anxiety never allows me to sleep anyway. -___-
However, I did just get the custest message ever from a really good friend of mine named Adam. Best friend anyone could ask for. It said, "Heyy I hope you have a safe trip up north and please eat some NJ pizza for me and also have fun <3".
I'm going to miss Adam when I move even though I hardly see him. I hope he moves up this Summer! That would be sooo fluffin cool. <3
♥♪♫♥
Arr! These Blubberins Be Makin Me Eyes Wet!
..................................................................................................y...o...u......l...o...s...e.........................................
.......t...e...h.......g...a...m...e..................................!
♥♪♫♥
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